Chapter 1

 

“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Three months had passed since these astonishing words burst out of the last man in the world from whom she would expect to hear them. Three months filled with tormenting uncertainties about herself and her abilities to judge people. Three months of self-reproach and self-censure, not because she had refused his marriage offer — no, in this she had no doubts about the justice of her decision and not for a moment could she repent her refusal — but because she knew she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, and absurd in regards to him.

After all that time she could not yet recover from the surprise of what had happened that day at the parsonage, and time allowed no palliation of her distress: quite the opposite. Her memories of that evening grew more painful and more difficult to bear with each passing day; and the isolation she endured, for she did not share her torment with anyone, only made her situation worse.

Even today, walking with her aunt in the alley of London Park, her thoughts were drawn back to the torment of that moment.

That he should have been in love with her for so many months — so much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all his objections against her and her family — was still incredible to Elizabeth. The notion that she could have unconsciously inspired so strong an affection in such a man as Mr. Darcy was gratifying. But her anger and indignation remained equally strong and vivid at the recollection of the style of his address; then again, when she considered how unjustly she had condemned and upbraided him, the anger turned against herself.

"You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it."

This was true; nothing he could tell her would have induced her to marry him at that moment. Still, the expression of mingled incredulity and mortification spread over his face at hearing her words kept haunting her restless nights ever since; his disappointed feelings became the object of her compassion.

Yet, she could not approve his manner nor forgive the offenses he heaped on her family, regardless of how merited the reproaches had been. She only wished she had not allowed rage and prejudice to cloud her judgment, nor refused him in such a despicable manner.

From almost the first moment of their acquaintance when she overheard his offensive remark toward her at the Meryton Assembly, she had condemned and made fun of his abominable pride and repulsive manners; even more, one evening at Netherfield she directly accused him of possessing extreme measures of ‘vanity and pride’.

"Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride — where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation," he had answered her that very night, and she never would have fathomed his words would one day return to torment her.

Bitterly, she admitted her own pride could have been a subject of abuse and amusement because it led her to wretched blindness, and vanity had been her folly. Pleased with the preference of Mr. Wickham and offended by the unpleasant, haughty behavior of Mr. Darcy at the very beginning of their acquaintance, she had driven reason away, where either man were concerned.

And now, after all this time, about neither of them could she think without shame and humiliation at her lack of discernment and her poor abilities to see the truth behind the appearance of goodness.

Fortunately, the regiment departed for Brighton, and she would likely never see Mr. Wickham again. Elizabeth’s relief was shadowed by her distress that her father had allowed Lydia to accompany Col. Forster’s wife on their voyage. She had tried to convince Mr. Bennet to keep Lydia home, but he refused to see the reason of her arguments and met her concerns with wry amusement. So, Lydia was gone, and Elizabeth struggled not to allow her vexations to increase by dwelling on that situation too long. She only hoped her father would prove to be right in this instance.

As for her last days in the company of Mr. Wickham, never could Elizabeth look at him without disgust and weariness. Despite her initial pleasure at the gentleman’s company, she made not the slightest effort to part from him in good humor: quite the contrary. Their last conversation had been rather fierce and harsh, and she was certain he had not failed to notice the sharp irony in her tone when she related meeting Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam at Rosings. She could still remember the feeling of satisfaction and relief when he left her side to join Mrs. Forster’s jolly group, and she had hoped it was the last time she would ever be in his company.

~/~/~/~

“Elizabeth! Elizabeth, are you unwell?”

Mrs. Gardiner’s voice brought her back to reality; and, for a moment, she looked around her, oblivious to her location.

“I am well, aunt, thank you. Just a little distressed.”

“My dear, I have to say I am truly worried about you lately. You seemed so…unlike yourself.”

“Please rest assured that everything is fine with me. Do not trouble yourself. I was thinking of Longbourn and especially of Jane.” She blushed under the elder lady’s scrutiny, ashamed of deceiving her affectionate aunt. She always had complete confidence in Mrs. Gardiner and shared many secrets with her. But she could not divulge this one to her.

“Jane is not well, either; but, in her case, I know the reason that forbids her to be happy. I can only hope in time she will find the strength to put aside her regrets before they become injurious to her own health and future tranquility.”

“I hope that, too, aunt. I had hoped she would join us; I confess I feel sad to know she will be mourning in the solitude of her room while I enjoy the many beauties on our tour.”

“Well, my dear, she offered to remained at Longbourn and take care of your little cousins, and you know she could not be persuaded otherwise no matter how much I insisted.”

“Yes, I know, aunt. You have been very kind both to Jane and to me. We shall never be able to repay your kindness.”

“Oh, do not say a word more, Lizzy. I have done nothing more than what is expected between relatives who care for one another as we do. However, I feel guilty; we promised you a two-month tour to the Lakes and instead we returned to London. So here you are, trapped for a week without a certain date for our departure. I hope your uncle can solve this urgent matter very soon so we may leave as planned.”

“My dear aunt, while I confess I am anxious to start our tour, I can well understand my uncle is detained longer than expected. Moreover, it is such a rare pleasure to be able to enjoy your company for an entire day, I truly do not mind.”

“I am glad, my dear, because I also enjoy your presence here exceedingly. And this morning was very productive, was it not?”

“Yes, very productive,” answered Elizabeth, who could not hide her soft laughter. “Two new dresses ordered at the modiste, long visits in every shop in Covent Garden, and now a long walk in Hyde Park.”

“Well, I do hope you are not too fatigued. Martha’s shop is quite far from our house. Nevertheless, we are very fortunate to have her – her dresses are exquisite and her prices are half those of the more famous modistes. So why not indulge ourselves in the pleasure of purchasing a few more? After all, your uncle insisted on our doing so.”

It was true, not only about Martha but many other shop owners. Mrs. Gardiner seemed to have the rare talent of finding places to purchase high quality items at the lowest possible prices. She possessed a well-trained eye and an exquisite taste for beauty which were complimented by a very good knowledge of the latest fashion. Thus, their jaunts across town were long but, in the end, worth their efforts.

“Oh, I am not at all fatigued, aunt. Quite the contrary. You know I am very fond of walking; though, I have to say, I prefer country roads to all these over-crowded, fashionable London streets.”

“My dear, the disadvantage of walking in those secluded places of yours is that you may not have a carriage following you which you can simply enter when your feet refuse to obey you anymore.”

Good humor seized Elizabeth again, and she succeeded in putting aside any disturbing thoughts — at least for the moment. Warmed by the powerful June sun, she continued to enjoy the walk through the park and the chat with her aunt, making plans for the long-awaited trip to the North.

It was past midday when the heat finally drove Elizabeth and her aunt to the park’s exit. Their pleasant, animated discussion occupied Elizabeth’s full attention, and she startled in utter surprise when a well-known male voice called her name, forcing her to stop and turn back, only to see the jovial face of Colonel Fitzwilliam.

Memories of the last time she had met the gentleman instantly invaded her mind, and her cheeks burned crimson while she was forced to smile charmingly and greet him with the same openness he displayed. He was as charming as ever, unable to conceal his pleasure at seeing her again; and she was content not to notice any changes in his behavior toward her, which only proved, she hoped, he remained oblivious to the events preceding his departure from Kent. “Would he be as jovial if he knew? No, most likely not.”

A moment later, her newly-formed smile paled, her heart stopped, and her face turned white when her eyes met Mr. Darcy’s intense gaze from less than two feet behind the Colonel.

Her glance remained imprisoned by his, and no word escaped her suddenly dry lips; nor could she hear what the Colonel was saying. It took her many long moments to distinguish the young lady tightly clenched by Mr. Darcy’s arm who was staring at her, blue gazes filled with curiosity.

Elizabeth’s first impulse was to hide or simply run. Yet, she could not have done so even if she wanted, as the shock of seeing him anchored her feet in place.

The Colonel’s voice — amiable and joyful as ever — turned her eyes to him again, and she returned his greeting. Her mind instantly discerned what probably happened: the Colonel had seen her and hurried in her direction, unaware of the awkwardness and great distress caused by this encounter between his cousin and her. Mr. Darcy looked stony and immoveable, not taking his eyes from her, until she could feel his intense stare burning her profile. She cast another glance at him only to see his countenance as severe as ever.

She could not run from him, but she was certain he would soon turn and depart from her, together with the beautiful young lady near him — and she could not blame him. Why would he show any enjoyment in seeing her again? Why would he desire to even speak to her again?

For a moment, her assertion seemed to be correct as he shortly recovered himself enough to move. But, instead of turning away, he advanced towards the ladies and bowed to Elizabeth, greeting her, if not in perfect composure, at least with well-bred civility. His cheeks were slightly colored, and his tone hesitant, obviously trying to conceal his uneasiness.

“Miss Bennet, such a pleasant surprise to meet you again.”

“Mr. Darcy…” was all she could manage to say, curtsying to him. Her eyes lowered to the ground then returned to the Colonel who was smiling at her, well humored.

“Miss Bennet, how are you? Very well, I hope; indeed you look very well. Have you been in London long? Are you residing in the neighborhood by any chance?”

“No, I have not been in London long, Sir; I left Hertfordshire only a week ago. I am visiting my aunt and uncle…” Only then did she remember Mrs. Gardiner who was patiently waiting a few steps behind her. She looked from her aunt to the Colonel and then to Mr. Darcy and his companion. How would he respond to the revelation that this was her aunt who lived in Gracechurch Street? Would he be aloof to her? And what about the young lady near him? He had not yet introduced her to them — perhaps he was protecting her from their inferior company? She certainly did not look as if she were someone accustomed to mingling with the inhabitants of Cheapside.

As he guessed the reason for her hesitance, Darcy stepped further and slightly bowed to Mrs. Gardiner in acknowledgment; the Colonel, more easy in manner, directly asked for the favor of an introduction and Elizabeth obliged, her eyes casting repeated short glances at both gentlemen.

While the Colonel’s countenance displayed nothing but delight during the introduction, Darcy was undoubtedly surprised, but his attitude remained polite, and he expressed his pleasure to meet Mrs. Gardiner.

Then, to Elizabeth’s utter shock, he turned and gently took the young lady’s hand until he brought her in front of him. He met Elizabeth’s glance and with a softness she had never heard before, he spoke more to her than to her aunt. “Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner, allow me to introduce my sister, Georgiana.”

Elizabeth’s eyes opened widely at such a request, so humbly addressed — surprisingly relieved at the revelation that she was his sister — trying to understand the reason for his unexpected change in manners. She was certain he would depart from her nearness the next moment after they met, avoiding her as he would his greatest enemy. Instead, he was kind and polite to her and her aunt, extending the introduction of his sister to them. Her color changed, and she stood mute for a few moments longer.

Worried by her niece’s strange reaction and uncommon silence which could have been taken as rudeness by the other party, Mrs. Gardiner intervened with perfect politeness, declaring it was an honor to make Miss Darcy’s acquaintance. In her mind, she determined to have a serious talk later with Elizabeth and attempt to discover the reason behind her altered behavior which became increasingly apparent with every passing moment.

The formidable presentation took place and Elizabeth dared to move her gaze toward Miss Darcy. With astonishment she noticed the young lady’s embarrassment and uneasiness were even stronger than her own, and her long silence was not due to aloofness or pride — as she previously had been led to believe — but to a profound shyness. With difficulty did she manage to say a few words to Mrs. Gardiner; and, when her brother introduced her to Elizabeth, she forced a smile while curtseying elegantly. Her efforts garnered Elizabeth’s good opinion in a moment; with an open and sincere smile on her face, she curtseyed to the young lady, trying to find the most proper tone for expressing her delight in meeting her.

“Miss Darcy, I am honored to meet you. I have heard so many wonderful things about you.”

“And I about you, Miss Bennet. I have long desired to make your acquaintance.” Georgiana’s tentative smile and the deep blush which accompanied those few words were further indications of how unaccustomed and uneasy she felt making conversation with strangers.

Elizabeth’s cheeks colored higher at her statement, wondering what Miss Darcy had been told about her and from whence came the wish to make her acquaintance. She did not dare consider Mr. Darcy would reveal to his young sister the particulars of their past affairs — so what else could Miss Darcy possibly know about her?

In a desperate attempt to control her emotions, Elizabeth tried to lighten the tension and, consequently, her spirit. “Thank you for your kind words, Miss Darcy; I can only hope that not everything you have heard about me was frightfully bad.”

She smiled fleetingly, as the effect of her words seemed to be the opposite than she intended. Miss Darcy instantly frowned, and she looked — with visible worry — from her brother to the Colonel. The latter started to laugh and finally intervened.

“Well, Miss Bennet, to be completely honest, Georgiana did hear some mixed things about you, which is understandable considering the various sources of her information. However, I assure you that nothing she heard was ‘frightfully bad’.”

Elizabeth laughed softly, a nervous but nevertheless charming laugh, which captivated both gentlemen.

Miss Georgiana Darcy, however, obviously not accustomed to this kind of teasing exchange, startled at her cousin’s statement which sounded offensive and turned to her brother as if silently asking for his assistance. Elizabeth was about to say something to alleviate her distress, but Darcy’s voice came to settle the situation; and, indeed, a moment later the young lady’s face lightened in relief.

“Georgiana, our cousin speaks in jest and Miss Bennet is already accustomed to his manners from our previous meeting in Kent, I assure you. I am also certain Miss Bennet knows neither I nor the Colonel could have done anything but praise her. As I said some time ago no one with the privilege of knowing Miss Bennet could find anything wanting.”

His words made Elizabeth reel while her cheeks colored and her eyes locked with his. She found herself trying to catch her breath for a few moments, shocked to hear him declaring his admiration so publicly in front of his relatives and hers. What could be the meaning of this?

Of course, he had told her almost the same thing one night at Rosings as he stood near the piano while she played, the Colonel at her side. But to reiterate the statement after everything that had happened? To still admit his admiration in front of her and the others? What could he mean by doing this? Or perhaps she was wrong in her judgment again? That night at Rosings she failed to understand the true meaning of his words. Was she presuming too much this time? Was it possible he did not mean anything except to try to relieve his sister’s discomfort by repeating in jest one of their previous debates?

“My brother is right, Miss Bennet. I have heard nothing but wonderful things, I assure you.” Miss Darcy’s voice sounded more confident and managed to bring Elizabeth’s thoughts to reality. Avoiding Darcy’s glance, she smiled at his sister while trying to control the tremble in her voice.

“I thank you, Miss Darcy…and I thank you, gentlemen.”

She noticed — out the corner of her eyes — both Darcy and the Colonel returning the smile, and she hoped the whole incident had ended. Decidedly, she kept her attention focused on her new acquaintance, exchanging a few more polite sentences with the young lady.

Gathered in the middle of the Park — not very animated at that warm midday hour — their group drew the interest of a few walkers who stopped and greeted the Darcys and the Colonel. The breach in conversation seemed to lengthen, and Elizabeth wondered if Darcy would take the opportunity to depart; if he wanted to remove himself from her presence, that was the best moment to do so.

“Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner, do you have an appointment to attend or were you just enjoying this beautiful day in the park?” asked the Colonel while the group started to walk toward the exit. Miss Darcy was on Elizabeth’s left, holding tightly to her brother’s arm while the Colonel politely offered his arms to both Mrs. Gardiner and her niece.

“No appointment, sir; only completing a whole morning of shopping with a pleasant walk,” answered the elder lady. The main topic of conversation turned to the warm weather, and the advantages of leaving London at this time of year were discussed. The Colonel’s conversational skills matched perfectly those of Mrs. Gardiner, and the talk was easily conducted and sustained by the two of them.

Still not completely at ease, Elizabeth continued to remain less verbose than usual, rather listening to her aunt talking to the gentleman near her than actually entering the conversation.

“Miss Bennet, I hope your family is in good health?”

Darcy’s deep voice startled her and she lifted her eyes to meet his for a moment. “Yes, thank you, they are in excellent health.” She did not feel easy enough to say more.

“Have you left Longbourn long ago?”

“Only a week ago, sir.”

“Yes, you already told us that. Forgive me.”

She only smiled as did Miss Darcy.

“Will you remain in London long?” This time their eyes met and locked shortly, but it was enough for her to see he was as embarrassed as she by his direct question. If he were truly interested in her plans or only trying to be polite she could not read in his frowning countenance, and she answered as neutrally as possible.

“I am not certain at the moment…Our plans are not fixed. At least a few more days, I imagine.”

“Only a few more days? Such a pity! I do hope we will have the pleasure of seeing you again,” the Colonel intervened.

“Indeed, sir, we would be very pleased to enjoy your company again,” answered Mrs. Gardiner, as Elizabeth made no reply. “However we cannot make any plans for the moment, and Elizabeth even less — she is entirely at our mercy, a prisoner of our busy schedule.”

Following the Colonel’s polite but curious inquiry, Mrs. Gardiner explained the delay in their plans of departing from London and their hope they would be able to start the journey as soon as possible. The mention of the Lakes as their destination animated the conversation once more.

“I hope you will enjoy the trip, Miss Bennet. In fact, I dare say I am certain you will.” More than Darcy’s words, the tone of his voice and the implication of them only disconcerted and confused Elizabeth more. He was addressing her with more warmth than ever and even suggested, “he was certain she would be pleased with the trip.” Did he presume to know or take a sincere interest in what would please her? Or again was she reading too much in a simple statement? Happily, she had not much time to remain mired in her confusion as Miss Darcy became suddenly daring enough to share her opinion about the new topic.

“I have always liked the Lakes very much. My brother has been so kind as to take me there twice and, except for Pemberley, it is one of my favorite places.” She paused a moment and smiled to Elizabeth, then continued, slightly embarrassed. “Oh… Forgive me, Miss Bennet, I should have told you — Pemberley is our home.”

“I know,” answered Elizabeth, smiling back. “From what I have heard, it is a most wonderful place.”

“Oh, did my brother tell you about Pemberley?” Her innocent question made them lift their eyes at the same time; their gazes met and locked, a deep redness spreading over both their faces.

“No, Georgiana, unfortunately I did not find the opportunity to tell Miss Bennet much about Pemberley, though most likely she has been witness to some conversations about it.”

“I…I had the pleasure of spending a few days in Mr. Bingley’s house when he resided at Netherfield — and during that time I heard both Mr. Darcy and Miss Bingley talking about Pemberley. Miss Bingley had been very generous in her praises and showed the deepest admiration and attachment for the beauties of Pemberley; I am sure she was not exaggerating.”

Though she did not intend to do so when she formulated her reply, Elizabeth did not waste the opportunity to search Miss Darcy’s face with great attention while she mentioned Mr. Bingley and his home in Hertfordshire; trying to find a sign of emotion, she found none. However, when she mentioned Miss Bingley, Georgiana’s lips unconsciously lifted in a slight grin. Elizabeth’s smile grew more open and she almost chuckled.

“Miss Bingley is very generous in her praises,” added Darcy somewhat neutrally, “though she has visited Pemberley on only three occasions. In my recollection, many of its beauties remain unknown to her.”

Though she was not looking at him, his statement increased Elizabeth’s amusement as she was certain it was meant to clarify Miss Bingley’s pretensions of being intimate with the Darcys and their home. She rejoiced in the newly-discovered pleasure of talking with him without quite talking, without the others fully understanding the hidden implications of their exchanges.

Mrs. Gardiner then offered, “I did not have the pleasure of talking to Miss Bingley about the subject, but I can very well testify that all her praises about Pemberley could not have been exaggerated. Indeed, I do not think I have ever seen a place more happily situated and more beautiful than your home, Mr. Darcy.”

Mr. Darcy’s surprise was even greater than his sister’s, and he turned to the lady without concealing his eager curiosity. “Mrs. Gardiner, thank you for your approval. But may I dare ask when you visited Pemberley? I do not remember having the pleasure of meeting you before.”

“Indeed we did not meet before, sir. I cannot say I actually visited Pemberley, but I did see it various times when I was younger. And I had the honor of meeting Lady Anne a few times — the most wonderful lady I have ever met.” At their wondrous looks she smiled and added, “I grew up in Lambton, which is only five miles from Pemberley.”

With increasing surprise did Elizabeth witness Mr. Darcy’s face lighten by a smile more bright than she had ever seen; Miss Darcy could not refrain from asking hastily, “Oh, Mrs. Gardiner… did you really meet my mother?”

“Yes, I did, Miss Darcy. My father had a shop in Lambton and my mother — who had been a governess before marrying — used to teach the children in Lambton school. Lady Anne was the most fervent sustainer and most generous patroness of the school; nothing was needed for the children that she would not provide. She also purchased quite often from my father’s shop, so I had many opportunities to meet her.”

Miss Darcy abruptly left her brother’s side and moved near Mrs. Gardiner, listening with such rapt attention to every word that she barely breathed. This change of positions put Elizabeth near Darcy and — as she was listening attentively to her aunt’s words — her heart skip a beat when her hand brushed against Darcy’s as they walked. She shivered at their brief touch, hardly able to follow what Mrs. Gardiner continued to relate.

“She was very kind, was she not?” asked Georgiana, her eyes tearing from emotion.

“Indeed she was,” agreed Mrs. Gardiner. “And very beautiful too… I must say, Miss Darcy, you have a very great resemblance to her.”

“Have I?” her eyes opened widely in disbelief.

“Yes, most certainly. If I did not have the pleasure of being introduced to you and had only seen you from afar, I could still tell with certainty you are related to her.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Gardiner. But I know I am not at all as beautiful as she was — by far.” The emotion seemed to leave Miss Darcy with little strength, and her last words were mere whispers.

“I must disagree with you in this aspect, Miss Darcy. And believe me, no thanks are needed. I am only speaking the truth.”

“I…I am very happy that I met you, Mrs. Gardiner,” was her only reply, her eyes expressing infinitely more then her words did. Miss Darcy resumed her place on her brother’s arm and this time she seemed to need his support. Elizabeth’s heart melted as she saw the girl fighting back tears. She dared to lift her eyes to Darcy only to see the emotions changing his own countenance, despite his ability to control his reaction far better than did his sister. She wanted to say something, but she dare not, nor could she find the proper words; even more, their closeness and shared comfort proved to Elizabeth they needed no stranger to help them in fighting their grief.

“Well, Mrs. Gardiner,” spoke the Colonel, half in jest, with an unsuccessful attempt to hide his own emotion, “it appears that you succeeded in convincing Georgiana in only a few minutes of what we have been telling her for years: indeed she looks very much like my beloved aunt; yet, it seems neither Darcy nor I were ever fully trusted as impartial judges, at least not as much as a respectable lady such as yourself. This meeting has proved to be the most wonderful source of surprise for us. It was very fortunate that Darcy noticed Miss Bennet precisely when we were almost leaving the park. If not for his attention, I would not have recognized Miss Bennet, and we would have missed the pleasure of this delightful meeting.”

“Thank you, sir. The feeling is mutual, I assure you. We are very happy to have met you.”

It seemed that every passing minute and every spoken word brought Elizabeth new sources of wonder. This new revelation that Darcy was the one who saw her and acknowledged her presence to the others, threw her into the middle of a new torment. He could have left the park and avoided her; instead, he approached her of his own will and introduced her to his sister. “What might be the significance of all this?”

She felt before she noticed his stare upon her but did not dare to meet his eyes at that moment, afraid of what she would see there. She vaguely heard her aunt, together with the Colonel and Georgiana, talking about Lambton and Derbyshire; both Miss Darcy — who seemed to have regained her spirit — and the Colonel expressed various favorable opinions about the small town where Mrs. Gardiner was born, and the conversation became equally pleasant and animated. From time to time, his deep voice intervened to add a few words, and the sound made her startle each time. Be it from the pleasure of talking about his home or her aunt’s easy and pleasant manners, never had Elizabeth seen Mr. Darcy so open in talking about a subject, and never had his voice sounded so gentle and polite; nothing in his attitude indicated any sort of disdain for his new acquaintance — a member of her family and a resident of Cheapside — one of those whose situation in life he considered so decidedly below his own. Even more so, his politeness was not cold but seemed warm and friendly.

Elizabeth was the only one to remain quiet and disconcerted, her emotions still overwhelming. Her eyes were drawn continuously toward Mr. Darcy and she had to fight hard against the impulse to continuously stare at him. Several times his quick glances met her eyes and locked with them momentarily, coloring her cheeks crimson. And each time their eyes met he smiled at her, a small, hidden smile, but it was a smile he extended to her nevertheless.

After almost half an hour of walking the lanes, they finally reached the exit of the park and the separation of the parties became inevitable. Elizabeth knew she would likely never see him again and — to her utter shock — she discovered she more feared than dreaded the notion and was already feeling the loss of his company.

As for a last farewell, she dared lift her eyes only to meet his dark ones intensely staring at her; this time, although cold shivers traveled wildly through her, she did not avert her gaze until hearing the Colonel’s voice taking his leave of them.

“Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner, it was a pleasure to meet with you today. I hope you have your carriage close by; it is very hot; quite unpleasant I might say. If not, I would be glad to accompany you with my carriage.”

“Thank you, Colonel Fitzwilliam, but that will not be necessary. It is very warm indeed, and we have some distance to cover before we reach our house, but the carriage is waiting for us.”

“I hope we did not delay you too much, Mrs. Gardiner.” Elizabeth turned her glance to Mr. Darcy again. Could she really detect a sort of regret in his voice?

“No indeed, Mr. Darcy. We were in no hurry at all. Mr. Gardiner will return home only in the late afternoon.”

“Then…if I may... ” Miss Darcy stopped for a moment, looking at Mrs. Gardiner, then at her brother, and finally at Elizabeth. “Mrs. Gardiner, I was wondering…our home is very near, on Grosvenor Street; if you are not in a great hurry, would you like to join me for tea? I mean…if you have no other engagements… I would dearly like to resume our earlier conversation.”

She blushed as if suddenly realizing the impetuosity of her invitation; her eyes turned to her brother as though she were asking for his late agreement. Mrs. Gardiner, surprised and honored by the invitation, did not formulate an immediate answer as she was concerned the master of the house was not in complete agreement with his sister. She delayed her answer trying to ascertain her niece’s opinion, but Elizabeth’s cheeks had lost their color, and she had lowered her eyes.

“Miss Darcy, I thank you for your kind invitation, but we do not want to intrude on such short notice.”

“Oh, no. It is no intrusion at all; quite the contrary. Your company would be a delightful addition.”

It was the moment when Mr. Darcy stepped in. “Mrs. Gardiner, Miss Bennet, please forgive my sister’s insistence. I dare say she surprised me, as well; it is not her habit to bestow such insistent and impromptu invitations, I assure you.” Darcy’s voice was lightly polite, but the subtle censure of his sister did not go unnoticed by anyone, making Georgiana blush even more. Yet he continued, leaving no room for misunderstanding regarding his opinion. “Indeed it would be a pleasure to have your company longer, but we understand if you have other appointments or, perhaps, feel too tired for a visit.”

Elizabeth felt Darcy’s gaze and dared to lift her eyes to his. She could easily understand his intervention had been mostly meant to ease her discomfort. While assuring her of his approval of his sister’s invitation, he also offered her the opportunity of politely refusing. But what was his true wish, she could not tell. Would he rather she accept the invitation or not? Would he believe her to be out of place entering his house? Or was he ready to bear the awkwardness of her presence only to indulge his sister’s pleasure?

She was brought out from her preoccupation by Georgiana’s shy voice.

“Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner, please forgive me… I now realize I have been improper in my insistence.” Her face was wearing a deep distress that Elizabeth could not ignore or neglect. She turned to see her aunt’s inquiring look — no doubt her attitude distressed her aunt too – and she finally regained her composure.

“Miss Darcy, please do not feel the need to apologize. As my aunt said, we are honored by your invitation. We hesitated only because we were afraid to intrude on your or Mr. Darcy’s schedule. As for us, I know we do not have any fixed engagement, have we Mrs. Gardiner?”

“No, indeed.”

“Very well, then it is settled. We will tell your coachman to follow us; he will be taken care of by my servants. Please allow me to show you to my house,” Mr. Darcy hurried to conclude, as to be certain they would not change their minds.

He did not voice his delight as eloquently as his cousin or even his sister, but Elizabeth did not fail to notice it, nevertheless. He walked ahead of the group, arm in arm with his sister, while the Colonel offered his arms to both Mrs. Gardiner and her niece.

From time to time, both Mr. and Miss Darcy turned their heads as to be certain the rest of the party was following them. Elizabeth could not hide her smile at this somehow eager gesture, though many questions were still spinning inside her head. A few hours earlier, she was certain she would never meet Mr. Darcy again — and was quite content, as she imagined he would not harbor kind feelings toward her should they meet. And now everything proved to be quite the opposite of what she had imagined. She had treated this man abominably in her refusal and misjudged him so grossly she knew she deserved no kindness from him; yet, apparently, his opinion was different.

She did not even notice when they stopped in front of an impressive building, and Darcy showed them in while a servant hurried to open the door for them.

“Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner, welcome to our home.”

Georgiana entered first, followed by the other two ladies and the gentlemen. But in the grand hall, as the Colonel accompanied Miss Darcy and Mrs. Gardiner in, Elizabeth suddenly froze and was unable to go any further. She had no right to be there, she knew that; she could feel it with every fiber of her body. ‘You are the last man…’

‘What am I doing in his house?’ She felt as if she would not be able to gather her courage to enter. Was it too late to retract her acceptance to visit with them? Perhaps there was still time to feign tiredness and leave before exposing herself to even more censure. How could she accept his hospitality after everything she had said to him?

By that time, Georgiana and her aunt entered the salon, and she could hear their voices together with the Colonel’s. She startled violently when she felt Darcy’s presence near her and heard his voice, so low that nobody else could hear it.

“Miss Bennet, are you unwell?”

“No sir, I am quite well…”

“Miss Bennet.” He lowered his head a little and unconsciously she lifted her face so their eyes locked; she felt her cheeks burning while she breathed deeply waiting for him to continue. “Thank you for being so kind to my sister. Indeed she surprised me, too. She seemed so open and friendly with you though she is usually very restrained with strangers. Apparently, it must be a family trait.”

He forced a smile, adding some playfulness to his tone, but her embarrassment increased remembering her previous accusations. “Oh…forgive me, I did not mean to…”

Before she could answer, he moved a step forward; his face frowned while he continued in earnest. “Miss Bennet, forgive me if I am presuming too much, but I can see you are not feeling easy at being here. I beg you to tell me if it is the fact that you are in my house that makes you so uncomfortable or my presence which makes you uncomfortable? While I could understand my sister’s desire to be in yours and Mrs. Gardiner’s delightful company, I would hope it did not create for you any additional distress. If you would rather leave, please tell me so, and I will find a way to explain it to Georgiana. However, if it is my presence that bothers you, I would gladly allow you to enjoy your visit and I remove myself to the library as I have some business to tend to. One word from you and I will comply with your wish.”

His eyes became darker while he spoke, and she felt herself trembling from his nearness. She could not find the words to answer as she did know what she wanted. A wave of redness spread over her face and lowered to her neck while she tried to swallow the sudden lump in her throat. As if it were someone else’s voice, she heard herself whispering, “I should not be here.”

His voice became even lower and soft as a caress, while the expression of his eyes changed as she had never seen before.

“Miss Bennet, if it is your desire not to be here and are only here at my sister’s insistence, then allow me to remedy the situation at once.”

“Sir, it is not my desire, but my conviction that I should not be here; I do not think that I deserve your generous hospitality.” She could not speak further nor bear the intensity of his gaze any longer; and she was angry with him for forcing her to humiliate herself so much.

“You do not deserve my hospitality? Miss Bennet, never has my hospitably been more happily or more deservingly bestowed upon another guest. Of that, you may be certain.”

She frowned as she tried to fully understand the meaning of his words and regain her senses which seemed to dissipate under his last statement. His nearness did not help her in the slightest.

“Elizabeth, is anything wrong?” Mrs. Gardiner’s appearance in the doorway startled them both; she finally managed to gather her thoughts enough to assure her aunt that she was well and would join them in an instant. Mrs. Gardiner hesitated a moment then returned to the salon with a last insistent glance toward her niece, and the two of them followed her; but before reaching the door, Elizabeth stopped and turned to Darcy, finally offering her answer.

“Mr. Darcy… I thank you, sir — for your concern and for your kind invitation. As for Miss Darcy – she has been nothing but charming, and both my aunt and I are delighted to have made her acquaintance. I am sure we will enjoy her company very much during this visit, as well as the Colonel’s and yours — that is, if you gentlemen have no other more important duties?”

Darcy’s surprise was as obvious as was his delight, and his countenance lightened in a moment; even more, a smile graced the corner of his lips. “The pleasure would be mine, Miss Bennet. Please allow me to show you in.”

Their late entrance drew three pairs of eyes toward them, but no comment was made. Elizabeth sat near Georgiana while Mrs. Gardiner and the Colonel were situated opposite to them. Darcy chose an armchair a little far from the rest, not wanting to intrude but desiring to be close enough to hear their conversation and even intervene from time to time.

Tea and sweets were ordered; and, as the time passed, Elizabeth felt her spirits rising again and her fears dissipating one by one until she could almost fully enjoy the visit. The room, as did the rest of the house she had seen, heightened Elizabeth’s admiration for the exquisite taste of the owner. Together with her aunt, she expressed her admiration and delight to Miss Darcy, but then she remembered the master’s presence and the words beautiful and charming died on her lips, fearing her praise would be misinterpreted as presumptuous.

At some point Mr. Bingley and his sister were brought into the conversation, and Elizabeth was told the whole family had been out of town for the last couple of months; however, they were expected to return in a fortnight. Again, she searched Miss Darcy’s face while speaking about that gentleman, and her opinion remained the same in that aspect. No visible emotion affected the young lady when Mr. Bingley’s name was mentioned nor at his anticipated arrival in town.

Colonel Fitzwilliam retired after less than half an hour as he had a previous appointment, but not before asking for permission to call at Gracechurch Street in the following days.

After his cousin’s departure, Darcy participated even less in the conversation and Elizabeth was grateful to him, for his voice still disconcerted her every time she heard it. However, as little as he spoke, it was obvious that he encouraged any attempt at conversation between her and his sister and approved their animated talk about music and theatre. The mention of their music room at Pemberley apparently brought new recollections to Miss Darcy as she addressed Mrs. Gardiner with a new plea.

“Mrs. Gardiner, I was wondering…if I am not asking too much, could you please tell me a few more things about my mother? I used to talk to my brother and even to my father about her, but it is so wonderful to hear the opinion of someone outside the family.”

“Gladly, Miss Darcy. I will tell you everything I remember.” Almost half an hour more did Mrs. Gardiner continue to relate her memories; and, even for Elizabeth — a complete stranger to the subject — the emotions became difficult to bear. Several times she turned her eyes to Darcy, and each time the picture he presented was more of a young boy fighting to look brave and conceal his sadness, than of that proud, haughty, unpleasant man she had known. And the pretty face of Miss Darcy, wearing the love and the longing for her mother, made Elizabeth’s heart melt with tenderness and ache in grief and remorse for her previous behavior and for the complete lack of fairness in judging them.

She remembered Mr. Wickham’s words about Miss Darcy’s pride and cold manners, and how easily she had given him full credit in this aspect, too; she never before took the trouble of considering that the young lady Wickham was talking about was almost a child, yet, and could not be so vicious in character at such a young age. Not once, while listening to that gentleman’s stories, did she consider how difficult it must have been for the Darcy siblings to deal with both parents passing so long ago, and how much that loss affected not only their private deportment but their interactions in public as well.

“As for your father, the late Mr. Darcy,” concluded Mrs. Gardiner, “I did not meet him more than three or four times, I think. But I do remember him being a very handsome gentleman, and that he was considered by many people as the best master and the best landlord. My father used to say that he did not hear anybody ever complain about Mr. Darcy’s generosity and fairness.”

“And my brother is the same, Mrs. Gardiner, I assure you.” Both Elizabeth and her aunt smiled at the expression of love and pride on Miss Darcy’s face; it would have been very difficult for anyone to doubt for a single moment the young lady’s adoration for her brother.

“I am sure he is, Miss Darcy,” offered Mrs. Gardiner. Then, in an attempt to lighten the conversation, she leaned toward Miss Darcy as if to whisper a secret. “I confess I have heard nothing about Mr. Darcy’s abilities as a landlord, but I can heartily testify that he is one of the handsomest young men I have ever seen. Would you not agree, Elizabeth?”

From Miss Darcy escaped a chuckle which she quickly hid behind a hand; Elizabeth blushed and nodded in agreement, trying to conceal her laugh and her mortification while three pairs of eyes turned to the subject of their conversation. Darcy could do nothing other than wonder at the reason for the ladies' sudden amusement. Yet, none of them seemed inclined to share it with him so his only alternative was to smile sheepishly at them.

It was not long after that moment that the visitors took their leave. Miss Darcy promised to return their visit the next day or the day after, as soon as her brother could find the time to accompany her; Elizabeth had to bear a new moment of surprise when she understood that Mr. Darcy intended not only to encourage the growing closeness between the ladies but even to return the call himself. New questions — or perhaps old ones — made her head spin while she tried to keep her countenance on her way out of the house. Fortunately, the warm — hot — air of the July day gave a legitimate explanation for the redness of her cheeks.

The master of the house handed both ladies into the carriage. When her hand entwined with his, Elizabeth shivered and unconsciously tightened her hold seeking support; she could not be certain if in the next moment his fingers gently squeezed hers or if it was just her imagination. However, she could not doubt the fact that indeed his hand lingered a moment longer than it should have against her palm.

The carriage departed; but, after a short distance, Elizabeth braved a look back and saw Mr. Darcy still in the street, his eyes following her as if trying to hold her presence in a long farewell.

~/~/~/~

The ride home was made in silence; Elizabeth could not find the strength to speak and was grateful to her aunt for not requesting details. As for Mrs. Gardiner, she did not talk because she had much to ponder. The extraordinary meeting had impressed her, too; she would never have dreamed of being invited to the Darcys and treated in such a friendly manner, let alone to have them as guests in her home in the near future.

The interactions between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy did not escape her; it was obvious they were much more than mere acquaintances, but the nature of their relationship was more difficult to weigh. Yet, she was almost certain she noticed Mr. Darcy’s admiration for her niece, though about Elizabeth’s feelings she could not be sure. Still, after she had learned in Hertfordshire about Elizabeth’s dislike for Mr. Darcy — what she had just witnessed was by no means dislike. She reserved her assessment for the future, as it was likely they would all be in each other’s company again.

Later that evening, while Mr. Gardiner retired to his library, Mrs. Gardiner finally approached her niece with great gentleness and equal determination.

“My dear, I could not help noticing you have been very quiet this evening.”

“Have I? I am sorry, aunt; I am not quite myself these days. I think I should go and rest. I am sure tomorrow I will feel much better.”

“My dear, what I think you should do is tell me what is bothering you so. And please do not repeat to me that you are preoccupied about Jane. For I am now preoccupied for both of you.”

“There is nothing, aunt, believe me. Or actually, there is nothing that can be solved for now.”

“I see… As you wish, I will not force your confidence…for the moment.”

She watched carefully Elizabeth’s sigh of relief and smiled. ‘Not too hasty, my dear, we are not done yet.’

“We have had a very eventful day, would you not agree? As the Colonel said, it was very fortunate that Mr. Darcy noticed your presence.”

“Yes, indeed, aunt.” Elizabeth forced a smile, but she was clearly flustered as she played with her cup of tea.

“And I have to say I very much liked Miss Darcy and the Colonel — and Mr. Darcy even more so. He was nothing but polite and amiable. Which makes me wonder at how you ever came to tell us he was so disagreeable? I should have known that the son of Lady Anne could not have been as bad as you proclaimed.”

“I admit I was wrong in my estimation of Mr. Darcy's character. On the other hand, aunt, his manners at the beginning of our acquaintance were utterly different. I never saw him as amiable and polite as today; he truly astonished me. I do not know what to attribute it to, but perhaps it was due to his sister’s presence; he is obviously very fond of her.”

“Yes — this must be the explanation, his sister’s presence, indeed.”

Elizabeth could not be certain but she thought she detected a trace of mockery in her aunt’s voice; however, she had no time to dwell on the subject too much, because her aunt continued.

“What do you think — will they call on us as they promised? I would not be too surprised if they changed their mind about coming tomorrow. Such important people as Mr. Darcy and his family may be a little whimsical in their civilities.”

“Do you think so, aunt? I…I would say that Mr. Darcy will not break his word. I mean… He would not promise so earnestly if he did not intend to do so. He is a man of his word.”

“Yes, so he seems… Well, you must be correct; it appears you are better acquainted with Mr. Darcy than I am. We shall see.”

“Aunt, I have to tell you I am so looking forward to tomorrow evening. My uncle had been so good to procure tickets for my favorite play.”

Mrs. Gardiner chose to indulge her niece’s desire of changing the topic— at least for the moment — and for another half an hour they talked about the next evening at the theater. They retired rather early, though neither of them fell asleep until a few hours later.

In the privacy of their rooms, Mrs. Gardiner shared her impressions with her husband, without omitting any details. Surprised and intrigued by his wife’s suspicions of a possible relationship between his niece and Mr. Darcy, Mr. Gardiner insisted he be informed whenever any of the gentlemen happened to call on them as he wanted to meet them personally and form his own judgment; after all, Elizabeth was in his care and protection for the time being.

Following this discussion, together, in the intimacy of their bedroom, they put all worries aside, and then fell asleep in each others embrace, exhausted and content.

However, sleep eluded Elizabeth for a long time as her mind was not ready to rest. She recollected and twisted into her mind every moment of their meeting — every word, every gesture — continually wondering about the reasons for the alteration of his manners. She did not dare to admit to herself that it was for her — that her reproofs at Hunsford could have worked such a change in his character. And she did not even dare to ask herself if the meaning of his attentions might be that he still loved her.

Yet, she felt exceedingly gratified to know that all the petulance and acrimony of her manners in rejecting him and all the unjust accusations accompanying her rejection did not raise a resentment and had not made him think really ill of her. Quite the contrary, it appeared to Elizabeth that his politeness toward her aunt and herself could be taken as a compliment to her. And the thought was not at all unpleasant.

Miss Darcy’s friendly behavior also must be a result of his kind words about her; she said as much. Of course, Miss Darcy had been clearly taken by Mrs. Gardiner’s kindness and pleasant manners and by her connection with the late Lady Anne as well. Still, from the first moment they met it was obvious that Georgiana already knew about Elizabeth and showed an inclination to make a friendly acquaintance; no doubt her brother had said much in her favor.

The way he spoke to her when she entered the house — his concern for her well-being, the gentleness in his voice - were recollections which highly increased Elizabeth’s distress. With warm consideration he offered to remove himself from her presence, thus allowing her to enjoy his sister’s company. What could be the meaning of that? Why was he so ready to encourage an increasing closeness in their relation? Was it possible he did so only to indulge his sister’s wishes? Undoubtedly, a possible friendship between her and Miss Darcy would likely generate a difficult situation for the two of them after their tumultuous history; he must be aware of that.

Finally, she decided there was no use in increasing her torment by speculating so much after only one meeting with the man. It was likely they would be in each other’s company again, so she would have time to discern his true motivation.

Suddenly, the idea of being in his company again conquered her mind and for a few more moments she thought only of it. He had been very kind to her and likely would continue to be so if she acted consequently. And she could not deny a friendly and polite Mr. Darcy was very pleasant company even if he did not talk much. After this first meeting, being in his company again would be neither as awkward nor as difficult as the first time. So she had every reason to eagerly await the Darcys’ visit.

She did consider briefly confiding in her aunt — but dismissed the idea for the time being. She would wait a little longer.

Finally, she indulged the sleep that threatened to overwhelm her; and, full of restless dreams, the dawn found her unsettled and quite tired. Only in the early morning hours did she find a couple of hours of sleep deep enough to assure her of a good disposition for the day’s expected events.

Neither Mr. Darcy, his sister nor the colonel indicated their intention of returning the call the next day. In fact, Mr. Darcy said he already had some previous fixed engagements. Thus, her good senses told her it was most unlikely they would visit her so soon.

But she found herself still waiting and looking anxiously out the window at every carriage that passed. She was quite amazed at her own discomposure and eagerness, yet she did not feel courageous enough to question the real reason behind those feelings.

However, as the hours went by and the day came to a close that evening, she finally ceased her waiting; firstly, because it was not a proper hour for a call without notification; and secondly, because she started preparing for the theatre and found herself grateful for something to distract her mind from her disappointment.

***

Mr. Gardiner’s business, though tiresome and demanding, often interfering in his vacation plans, truly gave him little reason to complain. Quite the contrary — it helped him make a more than comfortable living for his wife and their four children, comfortable enough as to secure their future and even have hope for purchasing a small estate in years to come.

Indeed, he considered himself a very fortunate man, but he knew his greatest fortune had been in his choice of a wife. He believed that a man never had been more blessed than he in regard to his family — his wonderful wife and their four children. From the first blush of early married life ten years earlier, Thomas Gardiner’s love, respect and admiration for Marianne Gardiner only grew stronger and deeper with each passing year. He knew he had every reason to be proud of his wife — and so he was.

Enjoying a glass of port, he was expecting her to come down the staircase, together with Elizabeth, to accompany them to the theater. Truth be told, he felt tired and would much rather have stayed home and enjoyed the benefit of a quiet evening. However, complying with one of his wife’s wishes was more important to him than were his own pleasures. And considering that his favorite niece, Elizabeth, was equally fond of the theater left him little choice; so here he was, ready to accompany them, hoping it would be an eventless evening.

When their carriage reached the destination, Elizabeth noticed — as did her aunt — they had been wrong in assuming not many people would attend the “Little Theater” that evening. The season was ending, and many of the fashionable families were leaving town for the comfort and gentle air of their country estates. However, to their utter surprise, a real crowd was gathered in front of the theatre.

It was still early, and many people seemed inclined to linger outside the theater. Animated conversations were carried on in low voices as propriety demanded. A parade of the latest fashion clothes and jewels worn with grace by a few young ladies in obvious attempts at drawing the attention of some gentlemen in their group made Elizabeth’s lips twist in a hidden smile; and she thought that, after all, her mother was not different from the ladies of the ton, at least not in certain aspects.

Mrs. and Mr. Gardiner exchanged greetings with some acquaintances on their way inside the theater while Elizabeth could feel a few gentlemen’s eyes scrutinizing her with what her mother would call admiration; yet she knew it was more mere curiosity at a new, unknown face — and she smiled again.

Their party of three almost reached the entrance when Elizabeth’s attention was drawn by a lady’s laughter — open, full of joy, unrestricted. She could not help turning her head and, when she did, her eyes fell upon a young lady whose stunning beauty made Elizabeth stop for a moment to admire her. The lady in question was taller than the other ladies, her hair — light brown — masterfully arranged, equally impressive as was the obvious expensiveness of her elegant gown; she was wearing a set of necklace and earrings with emeralds and diamonds which increased the brightness of her green eyes. She was looking around and then along the street, clearly waiting for someone, inattentive to what her companions were saying. Her entire demeanor demonstrated self confidence — most likely born from the awareness of her own beauty — and the condescension with which the others were treating her indicated to Elizabeth her noble breeding. Lady Cassandra , she was called by her companions.

For a moment the lady caught Elizabeth’s eyes, and her inquiring look was nothing friendly. She did not seem pleased to find Elizabeth staring at her and did not find it necessary to hide her displeasure. Yet, instead of being offended by that look, Elizabeth smiled at her with unconcealed admiration — and in the next moment the lady’s eyes widened in surprise, then she returned the smile when Elizabeth passed by her and entered the theatre.

Finally inside, they took their places in a small box on the second level, not very close to the stage; Elizabeth was very pleased to be there and fully prepared to enjoy herself as she watched her favorite play once more.

Minute by minute, the arena grew more crowded. Alone in a large box, the third from the scene, Elizabeth noticed the lady from the entrance-hall, and it was obvious that her presence drew many eyes and prompted many comments. Elizabeth heard people near her talking loudly enough about “Lady Cassandra” as being a subject of great interest; she could easily understand the lady’s cold and annoyed gaze from a little earlier — no doubt she had been the subject of whispers and staring glances from the moment she arrived at the theatre. Elizabeth felt suddenly inclined to sympathize with Lady Cassandra without even knowing why.

The bells rang for the last time; the play was ready to start, and the theater patrons were taking their seats. The theater seemed filled to capacity. While Mrs. Gardiner was relating to her everything she knew about the actors, Elizabeth, with a smile, cast her eyes around the beautiful theater once more and abruptly caught her breath in a quiet gasp.

On Lady Cassandra’s left side, closely engaged in a private conversation with her and ignoring everything around him, was Mr. Darcy.

A disquieting chill traveled along her spine and down her arms to her fingers which became as cold as ice. She struggled to turn her eyes away; but, mesmerized, they remained fixed upon the couple until the performance begun.

Startled by music in the pit, her head turned abruptly, and her absent gaze followed the moves on the stage while she felt engulfed by new and disconcerting emotions she could not understand. Elizabeth struggled not to allow her attention to return to that box, so she failed to notice the gentleman’s surprised gaze staring back at her and the expression on his face the moment he recognized her.