Chapter 14
Netherfield and Longbourn were two houses in absolutely chaotic disorder. With each day that brought the ball closer, agitation grew. The preparations, the invitations, Mrs. Bennet’s nerves, Mrs. Hurst’s haughty rudeness, Mr. Hurst’s indifference, Miss Jane Bennet’s serenity mixed with total acceptance of everything Charles Bingley suggested, and Charles Bingley’s exuberance and acceptance of everything Jane Bennet suggested brought Darcy to the edge of his tolerance – and beyond it.
Again and again he marveled – with enormous gratitude – at Elizabeth’s wisdom in keeping their engagement secret for a little longer. However, his state did not go unnoticed, so Lady Cassandra, Mr. Bennet, his own sister, Georgiana, and even his Elizabeth found great enjoyment in teasing him. One evening as he was withdrawing into a corner, he looked astonished as Mrs. Bennet embraced “her favorite son-in-law”, Bingley. Cassandra approached him and said sweetly, “Oh, come now, Darcy, do not be envious. I am sure Mrs. Bennet will be equally loving with you, too, as soon as she finds out about the engagement. In fact, I am willing to bet you will become her favorite son-in-law very soon.” Darcy had no time to answer as she departed, barely restraining her peals of laughter. But then Elizabeth approached, and her smile was everything he needed to calm himself and bear anything – even a hug from Mrs. Bennet.
The families spent a good deal of time together; either the Longbourn inhabitants were invited to dine at Netherfield; or Darcy, Bingley, Lady Cassandra, and Georgiana had dinner at Longbourn. Georgiana’s reaction toward the Bennets had been a great surprise to Darcy. They were introduced to her the same day Mr. Bennet gave his consent, and she was clearly overwhelmed by Mrs. Bennet’s and Miss Catherine’s loud exuberance. However, in the three days which passed since then, Georgiana became more and more comfortable with them and seemed to enjoy and even seek their company. She looked at ease with both Miss Catherine and Miss Mary and found something to talk about with each of them. She also appeared to bear Mrs. Bennet’s attention very well, even when the lady insisted that she should eat more as she was “very pale.” Mr. Bennet complimented Darcy more than once on his sister’s impeccable manners, and then teased him saying that the girl had taken all the sweetness in the family and left the aloofness to Darcy. Darcy answered that, since he was the first born, he took the aloofness and left the sweetness for Georgiana.
Lady Cassandra also appeared to have a wonderful time in the middle of the commotion. She was the only one who managed to temper Mrs. Bennet’s attitude about the preparations, but she did it in such a way that Mrs. Bennet was certain everything was her own decision. She also spent quite some time talking to Mr. Bennet, and the gentleman declared to Darcy, “Since you have stolen all Lizzy’s attention for yourself, thank God you brought Lady Cassandra so I have somebody with sense to talk to.”
Yes, Mr. Bennet was right; he had indeed stolen all of Elizabeth’s attention. In Netherfield’s library, immersed in his own thoughts and unable to give proper consideration to the voluminous correspondence spread over the desk, Darcy smiled to himself in profound contentment. Four days had passed since he had asked for Elizabeth’s hand, and they had been four days of complete and utter bliss, despite all the annoying agitation around him. Yes, he knew he was selfish and should have been happy for Bingley – and he was. He was exceedingly happy for Bingley. But he wanted nothing but peace and tranquility in which to enjoy every moment in Elizabeth’s company, to have her to himself alone as much as possible instead of sharing her time with incessant preparation and arrangements. Yes, he was selfish; he knew that. He was so selfish that he was increasingly tempted to elope with her to Gretna Green and return two days later satisfyingly married. “Perfect plan,” he thought, leaning against the chair’s back with his eyes closed.
Of course, eloping was not an option as, in all likelihood upon their return, both Mr. Bennet and Cassandra would kill him, and Georgiana would never speak to him again. But the idea was sorely tempting!
Netherfield seemed to be overflowing with people. Except for Mr. Bennet and Miss Mary, the entire Bennet family was there, and Darcy only managed to spend a couple of minutes alone with Elizabeth, holding her hand the entire time. Then, when the subject of the ball and Bingley’s wedding – which had been planned to take place in two month’s time – arose again, he excused himself and retired to the library to take care of his long neglected business. He had cast a quick glance toward Elizabeth, and she teasingly smiled her understanding. He painfully wished to kiss her smile, her eyes, to hold her in his arms again – as had happened that night – but the encounter was not to be repeated. After his very harsh confrontation with Mr. Bennet when the gentleman gave him to understand that he had not been oblivious to their illicit, private and very improper meetings – and Darcy was only grateful that Mr. Bennet did not truly know how “intimate” those meetings had been – Darcy decided he had too much respect for Elizabeth and her father to put her again in such an improper situation. So he kept his desires under good regulation, and the only moments alone with Elizabeth were the long strolls around the garden or a walk in the grove together with Bingley and Miss Bennet. Well, not quite together, as they always separated the moment they were out of sight of the Longbourn windows. He smiled to himself again at the image of the very flustered and highly embarrassed Jane Bennet and the expression on Bingley’s face afterwards.
“You seem very pleased with yourself, sir!” His recollections were happily disturbed by the sound of a well-known voice, and his gaze rested with utter delight on Elizabeth’s smiling eyes.
“Have I interrupted you? You seem to be covered by a mountain of letters,” she added while she approached him. He reached his hand to her and she took it gently as they sat together on the sofa.
“It appears I disturbed you from more important business than thinking of me,” she said, nodding toward the desk full of envelopes. Their fingers entwined together, caressing one another.
“No indeed, I have done little but think of you.” His free hand caressed a lock of hair near her ear. She shivered under his touch.
“You are a very considerate betrothed, sir,” she said. “You always say the most pleasant things to flatter me.”
“Hardly. I am only speaking the truth, Elizabeth.” His face lowered and she was not surprised to feel his lips upon hers. The kiss started gently, both of them attentive to any noise which might indicate an intrusion; but, after a few moments, everything seemed to vanish around them except their closeness. When his tongue, soft, warm and daring, slid between her lips, she gasped with more delight than surprise as her mouth opened to admit him. One of her hands encircled his neck and the other his waist and she leaned against him. He put his arms around her and pulled her into his embrace while his hands traveled along her arms, down to her spine and up to her nape in a torturous exploration. She wished for him to caress her as he had done in the grove, to feel his lips upon her bare skin, to feel his fingers upon…her heart. She felt herself blushing from the wantonness of such a thought and was grateful he could not see how improper her wishes were.
However, the next moment, as though driven by her desire, his hand gently glided between their closed bodies and moved up until they reached the line of her dress – then closed gently around the softness of her breast. His touch was a pleasant, unbearable torture; and, unconsciously, she pushed firmly against his hand. To her shock instead of continuing, he stopped and withdrew his lips enough to stare into her eyes. She tried to swallow and regain her breathing. His eyes were almost black – darkened by passion, she knew that now – and his breath was no calmer then hers. She wondered what he intended, but only for a moment. His gaze locked on hers, and he leaned with her against the back of the sofa while his hand crept slowly – painfully slowly – along the line of her dress, caressing her breasts with tantalizing touches. A loud moan escaped her lips as they were captured by his, and she closed her eyes, abandoning herself to him – to his kisses, to his caress which grew ever more daring, ever more passionate. Just when she felt her senses lost and still wishing for more, he broke the embrace and put a little distance between them, leaning his forehead against hers.
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes?” Their voices sounded so strange that they both started to chuckle, struggling to regain their calm.
“Would you like some water?”
She withdrew her head a few inches to look at him in disbelief. His countenance seemed quite disturbed as he forced himself to smile.
“Yes. Thank you,” she answered, suddenly feeling embarrassed.
He returned with two glasses of water, handed her one of them, and then sat beside her again.
“So – you abandoned the others?” Darcy asked while putting his glass aside. “You needed exceptional skills to escape from them, I imagine.”
“Not at all,” she laughed. “My mother is too preoccupied fixing the menu with Lady Cassandra, Mrs. Hurst is too busy contradicting them, and Georgiana and Jane are only looking at them with elegant patience. So nobody noticed my leaving.”
“You came to see me?” he asked.
“No, not at all,” she teased him. “I simply lost myself in the house and entered the library by mistake.”
“I see,” he answered, a mischievous smile on his lips. “As you did last year on your first day at Netherfield when you happened upon me in the billiard room?”
“Yes, quite the same,” she answered, with laughing eyes and flustered cheeks at the remembrance of those days.
“I have missed you, Elizabeth,” Before she had time to reply, he hurried to his feet. “Could you wait for me here a few minutes? I will speak to my man; I want to be sure we will have a little privacy.” She only nodded in surprise, wondering how his servant will assure them privacy. However, she did not worry about that – she trusted him to do the right thing, as always.
Elizabeth rose and began pacing the room, then stopped in front of the window. Recollections of the days she had spent at Netherfield the previous autumn were vivid in her mind, and once more she frowned at the notion that she could have so deeply misunderstood and misjudged him. Now that she had the chance to know him so much better – to appreciate his character and enjoy his love – she suffered to think how easily she could have lost forever her chance of happiness. Now she was certain she would have never been able to love another man the way she loved him, to give herself so completely, to be so willing to share everything.
She did not notice Darcy’s return and startled feeling his warm breath on her nape.
“Elizabeth, is everything well?”
“Yes…I was just thinking of you…”
“Truly? I am glad to hear that…any particular thoughts?” He encircled her with his arms, and she leaned back against him.
“I was thinking about last year… Do you remember the day we spent an entire half an hour in the library, and you did not speak a word to me?”
“Of course I remember… I remember every moment I spent in your company, Elizabeth. And yes, that occasion is very fresh in my memory – for I did nothing but stare at you.”
“You did? I was certain you purposely ignored me completely. Your only interest seemed to be in your book.”
“Well, it appears I was quite proficient in deceiving you about the nature of my interest. Such a fool I have been…” He held her tighter, and she entwined her hands with his; they remained that way for a long time, and she only murmured, “We have been a couple of fools…”
“So,” she said suddenly, not allowing the emotions to change their disposition, “may I be of some help with all these letters? You looked quite overwhelmed.”
He smiled and brought her hand to his lips. “Thank you, but you have much to take care of yourself; however, you are right, I am a little overwhelmed. I have many things unsolved from the past few months; my solicitors, as well as my steward are sending me weekly letters to ask when I could meet with them. In fact, my steward even offered to come from Pemberley to London so we might discuss some urgent business which remained unsettled when I unexpectedly left Derbyshire a month ago.”
The tone of his voice was carefree, but instantly he felt her tensing in his embrace and grew furious with his unfortunate statement. She turned to face him, and her hands slowly lifted to cup his face. “William…I cannot apologize enough for everything you had to go through because of me. I caused you so many problems…”
“Oh, God, Lizzy… Come here, please…” He gently directed her to the sofa again. “Lizzy, I am so sorry to have mentioned that. It was not my intention to imply anything. Nothing that happened in the past is your fault. I would not have you reliving that experience.”
“You called me Lizzy.” Her voice was soft as she looked at him with wide eyes, and his face relaxed, his eyes narrowing in a smile.
“Yes, I did…Lizzy,” he whispered again, and she leaned forward to gently steal her name from his mouth with her lips. The kiss was brief and more tender than passionate; this time she was the one who broke it.
“William, I do have a question I have long wanted to ask you…and I would be grateful if you would tell me the truth.”
He nodded in agreement and she continued, obviously embarrassed. “I have wondered…about your involvement in the arrangement which ended with Lydia’s marriage… Mr. Wickham had many debts, I know. And I also know he would not have married Lydia without compensation; he is no fool when it comes to his own benefits. But suddenly everything was solved, his financial situation improved miraculously, and he was offered a new assignment. Are you the one who paid for all these?”
He looked at her for a few moments, and the change in his countenance was obvious. Then he averted his eyes and answered briefly, “Yes.”
“Yes?” Her breathing stopped at the confirmation of her suspicions. “Oh…you left your home to search for Lydia and Wickham, you found him, and you had to convince him, to offer him money… What a shame…” She could barely speak, her eyes on the floor.
“Elizabeth, look at me please.” She did not obey, so he lifted her pale face toward him. “My love, you asked me a question, and I answered. And now see what has happened? This is precisely why I did not want you to be told the truth. I knew you would feel ashamed and guilty and embarrassed – everything that neither Wickham nor you sister felt.”
“It was not fair… It was not fair for you to bear so many expenses, so much distress, so much trouble upon yourself…”
“No, it was not fair to have so much trouble because of Wickham – but this must not be your concern. I cannot blame your sister for what happened; she was but a very young girl, trapped by a scoundrel with nice manners. Unfortunately she will have to pay for her imprudence as she must share her life with him…”
“I have been as silly as Lydia. I have also let myself be fooled by Mr. Wickham’s charming manners. I gave him complete credit and believed everything he said. And by doing so, I have treated you unfairly and given you so much pain. I was a complete fool.” Her voice was barely audible and her eyes would not meet his.
He cupped her cheeks with both his palms and forced her to look straight into his eyes. She was almost in tears, yet he smiled. “Well, my love,” he smiled with an unexpectedly light voice while his thumbs caressed her, “indeed you have been a fool to believe him, and you made me so furious when I heard you defending him, so very furious that I was tempted to kiss you until I left you breathless and unable to speak again. But then again, I wanted to kiss you breathless so many times that I am not sure it was because of Wickham.”
She mixed her tears with peals of laughter, and he gently kissed her eyes then pulled her closer to him and held her in his arms. She was not crying, only enjoying the comfort of being forgiven for her past folly. “You, sir, are excellent at teasing me and your sense of humor is quite exquisite,” she said, cuddling to his chest.
“Well, Miss Bennet, being so much in your and Mr. Bennet’s company, I have no other choice but to became proficient at teasing or hide in the darkest corner.”
She laughed and raised her head to him. “No need to hide, sir! And now I think I should leave you. I have disappeared for quite some time; and, besides, you must take proper care of your business.”
He wanted nothing more than to keep her with him but he knew she was correct. Yet he could not let her go without claiming another kiss, enjoying the sweet flavor of her lips. She seemed no more desirous to part than he was, and her hands encircled his neck while her fingers slid into his hair. He moaned and tightened the grip of his embrace around her for an instant then put some distance between them, caressing her hair.
“Elizabeth – you should leave now if we do not want to provoke a scandal by being caught in a most improper situation.” He was smiling teasingly, and she laughed, her cheeks highly colored.
Elizabeth rose from the sofa and he followed her, holding her hand. She cast a quick glance toward the desk where an envelope, obviously from Lord Matlock, seemed to demand his attention.
“William, have you informed your other relatives about our engagement?”
“No, I have not – yet, since you did not tell me when you want to make it public. But I shall as soon as possible – and most likely I should go to London to talk to my uncle and aunt personally. As for Lady Catherine – I would rather write her, as I am in no disposition to travel to Kent.”
She looked at him with much preoccupation for a few moments. “William, you just said you have much unsolved business waiting. I was wondering – would a trip to London be helpful? Perhaps sharing the news with Lord Matlock?”
“It would be very helpful, indeed, but not possible. I have no intention of going to London and being apart from you.” He kissed her fingers tenderly.
She frowned slightly as she squeezed his hand. “William, I would not want to be away from you a single moment either, but…if you do not take care of your business now you will have to, at some point, will you not? You are not the kind of gentleman to neglect his duty.”
“Yes, I suppose I will have to, eventually,” he admitted, trying to smile, yet disturbed by her sudden change of tone. “But I will manage to handle them somehow.”
“I am sure you will…but I was thinking that I would rather be parted from you for a few days now than after we are married. Especially considering I am so engaged in the ball preparation and we barely have time to spend together these days…and you are not at all happy to be in the middle of all this agitation. After we are married things will…”
He stared at her, eyes wide open. “Elizabeth, have you decided on the date for our wedding?”
“No, not decided yet, as I wanted to discuss it with you. But…I have watched you carefully these last days and have noticed how…little enjoyment you find in all the preparations and arrangements and my mother’s enthusiasm…so I was wondering…if my mother is preparing a wedding with so much care, why should we not take advantage of it? We could marry the same day as Jane and Mr. Bingley, if you would not mind.
His face darkened instantly and his displeasure could not be hidden; she turned pale and instantly regretted her suggestion and wished she could withdraw her words. “If this is not agreeable to you, of course we can choose any other date you want,” she whispered.
“Elizabeth, of course it is not agreeable to me!” he burst out. “Bingley’s wedding will be in two month’s time! As I suggested we should marry in three days, I was hoping you would suggest something around a month – in the worst case.”
Darcy’s reaction made Elizabeth laugh in complete relief; and, light-hearted, she impulsively rose on her toes and silenced him with a long kiss. To her surprise, though she was daringly “wanton” in her ministrations – her lips playing with his as he had done with hers previously – he did not seem eager to continue. Quite determined, he broke the contact and looked at her soundly.
“Elizabeth, I am being very serious! Less than an hour ago I was thinking of how poor Bingley had to wait two months to be married. You cannot do that to me!” He was truly upset, and Elizabeth could not withhold her peals of laughter.
“William – where is the calm, restrained, aloof gentleman I met last autumn? The one with a ‘superior mind’ who always kept himself ‘under good regulation’? Surely you cannot expect to have a hasty wedding, not without being at the center of a scandal! Besides, if we are to marry sooner, we should tell my mother today so she can start all the proper arrangements.” She raised her eyebrow at him in mocking challenge, and he threw her an annoyed look.
“I do not think it is fair of you to repeat my words in order to defeat my opposition, soon-to-be Mrs. Darcy. This is not the proper attitude I expect from my wife.”
“Indeed, sir? Then perhaps you should consider searching for another wife?”
“Or perhaps I should speak to your mother and complain about your disrespectful attitude toward me?”
They both appeared serious in their argument; their faces frowning in indignation, their tone serious and their gazes cold and sharp. In truth, they both allowed themselves to enjoy the delight of a mocking first quarrel. For Darcy it was a joy to see her ‘arguing’ with him without really arguing; for Elizabeth is was heart-melting to see how much Darcy had changed and how willing he was to expose himself to her teasing and respond in the same manner.
“Or,” he continued, moving closer to her and lowering his head to whisper in her ear, “I could try to make you wish to be married as soon as possible.”
Though he did not even touch her, Elizabeth shivered and a sudden lump in the throat made her answer difficult. She struggled to continue her previous reasoning. “So…this is why I was thinking that you could go to London now to settle all your business…and to inform your family…and we could announce our engagement immediately after the ball… We could talk to Jane and Mr. Bingley earlier, to ask their opinion about a double wedding and…”
“Very well, Miss Bennet,” he said with a deep voice, his fingers pressing her mouth to stop her from speaking. “I shall not oppose your suggestion. We shall have a double wedding if your father and Bingley agree.”
“Thank you, sir,” she answered with fake humility and maidenly blushing. From outside the library, the faint din of voices and steps could be heard, yet that did not prevent Darcy from kissing her once more – this time both of them equally daring and passionate, oblivious to the possible consequences of their imprudent behavior.
It was no wonder that neither of them heard the door opening, or noticed Lady Cassandra and Georgiana entering the library.
“Well, Caroline Bingley is here, in case you are interested to know,” her ladyship said.
Darcy and Elizabeth startled, quickly withdrawing their hands from each other. Elizabeth’s cheeks turned crimson then pale, while Darcy could hardly hide his mortification at being caught in such a situation. Georgiana suffered deeply for her own embarrassment and that of her beloved brother and soon-to-be sister. Lady Cassandra was nothing but amused.
Recovering his composure, Darcy – not at all interested in Miss Bingley’s arrival – took the opportunity to briefly share the latest news with the ladies: the presumptive date of their wedding and his departure to town for a few days.
“This is such happy news, Elizabeth! We are to be sisters so soon!” said Georgiana with excitement.
“Yes we are,” replied Elizabeth, her cheeks still flushed yet pleased to see such a favorable reaction. “In fact, my dear Georgiana, I am afraid you will have more than one sister,” she added with a smile.
“So, you two are trying to steal from Mrs. Bennet the pleasure of organizing a second wedding, now that she is becoming a true proficient,” laughed Lady Cassandra. “She will never forgive you – I hope you know that.”
They spent a few minutes together planning the events of the next few days. The more he talked about it, the more Darcy was grateful to Elizabeth for suggesting this sudden departure to London. It was indeed the perfect time to have everything settled so he would be able to spend all the time before and after their wedding worrying about nothing except Elizabeth’s delightful company. He planned to return the day before the ball and asked Elizabeth’s opinion about that. To his surprise, Elizabeth lost more of her spirit with each passing minute, and her countenance became troubled.
“Elizabeth, is something wrong?” he asked. She shook her head in a silent, unconvincing “no”. As she saw the others’ worried looks upon her, she forced a smile and answered with no little embarrassment. “It is nothing, really, I am behaving childishly. It is just…you will be gone for more than a week…” she said, turning to Darcy. Georgiana, an uneasy witness to such an intimate moment, turned her head away to offer them privacy. Darcy took Elizabeth’s hand and kissed it, despite the presence of the others.
“Oh, come now, Miss Bennet,” Lady Cassandra intervened. “I promise we will use this time very efficiently! I planned a surprise for the ball and cannot wait to share it with you. For the moment, only Georgiana is aware of it.”
It was obvious she was attempting to cheer their spirit, and Elizabeth took the opportunity to change the subject by asking more about the ball. Neither of them discussed Caroline Bingley’s return – it was their last concern.
*** Elizabeth talked to Jane, and Darcy to Bingley later that day – and the effect was similar. Neither of the two known betrotheds could believe the happy news of the other engagement and, in the middle of that excitement, both forgot to be upset for not being informed sooner. The suggestion of sharing the same wedding day was pure bliss to Jane and a matter of deep pride for Charles Bingley whose affection toward his friend was matched only by his respect. However, it was more difficult for Bingley to understand why they would want to keep the engagement secret for the moment, since Mr. Bennet had given his blessing. The burden of such a secret was difficult for Bingley to bear – and that was fully proved that evening at Longbourn where all of them were invited to dinner. Countless meaningful glances exchanged between Jane and Bingley and his many stares at his future sister, Elizabeth, made both Lady Cassandra and Mr. Bennet smile at each other in mutual understanding of the torture poor Bingley was enduring.
Mr. Bennet received the news of the wedding date with complete approval. The gentlemen were all in the library after dinner in the middle of a friendly conversation with a glass of port when Darcy informed him about the latest news, and Mr. Bennet could easily see the wisdom in having a double wedding instead of two. However, he did not miss the opportunity of teasing Darcy about Mrs. Bennet’s disappointment in not being allowed to plan another ceremony.
The news of Mr. Darcy’s departure to London affected Mrs. Bennet very little as she was still not on friendly terms with that aloof, silent gentleman. In fact, she wondered many times how he could be a brother of that ‘sweet girl’ and the friend of the wonderful, spectacular Lady Cassandra. In truth, Mrs. Bennet’s secret contentment and strongest hope was that Lizzy’s friendship with her ladyship and Miss Darcy might secure her an invitation to Town for the season and hopefully, by that means, she might finally find a husband, though she strongly believed Lizzy should suffer for wanting a husband after she had refused Mr. Collins.
The dinner was not a pleasant affair for Elizabeth, despite the fact that she was seated next to Darcy. She was furious with herself for suggesting he leave for London and, though she knew she was acting unreasonably, could not combat the coldness which gripped her heart. She felt alone, lost and – for some strange reason – frightened. And now she had retired to a corner while the gentlemen were in the library and her mother and the other ladies were chatting joyfully.
Mr. Bingley returned, and Elizabeth looked eagerly for Darcy, yet he did not appear. Instead, Hill came to fetch her to the library where it was announced that her father was waiting for her. She headed for the library, fearing that something had happened; but, instead of her father, she found Darcy alone.
At seeing her enter, he hurried to take her hands and raised them to his lips. “I have done the most shocking thing! I have asked your father to allow us a few moments alone!” he said with a mischievous smile.
“You did? And he accepted?”
“As you see…but only a few minutes,” he added, embracing her so tightly that she could hardly breathe. “My love, why are you so sad? Something has happened to you since we talked earlier today.”
“No, no, nothing happened; please believe me. I cannot explain what came over me. I have no real reason…it is just…” She met his worried gaze and felt his fingers caressing hers – a gentle and not very successful attempt to comfort her. Suddenly, she realized how much her silly reactions distressed him and that it would not do to let him leave in such a disturbed state of mind. She smiled at him and encircled his waist, leaning her head against his chest.
“William, there is nothing wrong, trust me. I am only sad that I will not see you for so many days; but, after all, a week is a very short time. Please take care of your business and return when you finish it…and then I will not allow you to leave for a very long time.”
He placed a kiss on the top of her head. “If you want me to stay, I will. There is nothing so urgent that cannot wait.”
“No, no, there is no need for that,” she hurried to assure him. “Besides,” she said, blushing at the impropriety of her words, “the more I become accustomed to your…closeness, the more I dread being away from you. So you better go now, before I cause the ruin of Pemberley.” She tried to mock her own fears, but her voice was trembling.
He nearly carried her to the sofa and sat her down without freeing her from his embrace. His fingers moved along every inch of her face and she closed her eyes to imprint his touch on her mind for the time he would be gone. Tenderly, his lips followed his fingers, placing countless small, light kisses along her beloved face; there was no passion, no eagerness in his kiss – only infinite love and care.
After some time she lost all her control, and tearfully her hands trapped his head while her mouth captured his and she kissed him wildly, until they both remained breathless. There was also no passion in her kiss – only infinite love and despair.
~/~/~/~ Charles Bingley was ready to go to bed after that difficult, surprising day. So he would be married the same day as his friend! What a joy and what an honor! And the ball – so many people coming! Where on earth did all those names come from? Partly from Mrs. Bennet, partly from Louisa, partly their neighbors…so many names, and he cared for so few of them! However, it was a burden easy to bear, considering it was another step toward his marriage to Jane. His beautiful, wonderful, sweet Jane! Even Lady Cassandra said she had rarely seen such a beautiful lady as Jane with such a sweet disposition! Even Lady Cassandra said Jane and he were perfectly suited for each other!
“Charles, thank God you finally returned! I need to speak to you immediately!” The appearance of his sister, Caroline, shocked him, and he desperately pulled the sheet around him.
“Caroline, for heaven’s sake, I am in my night clothes! What on earth are you doing here?”
“I need to speak to you immediately – right now – as there is a situation that requires your involvement tomorrow morning! You must invite Lord Markham to Netherfield for the ball. Lady Sophia said she cannot attend, but Lord Markham seemed eager to come! He will come for me, I know that! I am sure he intends to propose to me very soon! Of course I did not mind that Lady Sophia would not come; my real interest is only in Lord Markham. And yes, I know it is not proper for you to invite him as you are not acquainted, but he said he would not mind! Can you imagine that? He said he would love a country ball, especially as his family is visiting a relative only twenty miles from here…I forget the name of the estate. So you will write him today and invite him. In fact, no – you are horrible at writing – I will write him in your name and you will only sign it. What do you say to that?”
He followed her tirade with a shocked expression, barely able to comprehend. He nodded stupidly and wondered briefly who Lord Markham was. Caroline’s suitor? An Earl? Can this be true or just another of Caroline’s fantasies? He soon came to understand that he would have no peace if he did not invite the man; and, frankly, what would one more matter among so many? Besides, Darcy would be so much happier without Caroline’s suffocating attentions!
“Of course, Caroline, this is your home, too. You may invite whomever you choose, my dear. Just write your letters and let me sign them.”
For the first time in ten years, Caroline kissed her brother’s cheeks before she ran out of his room.
*** After Darcy left for London, Elizabeth was certain she would not be able to put aside her fears until she saw him again. Fortunately, his daily letter – sent by express to Mr. Bennet who had planned this private arrangement together with his future son- in- law – worked like magic and managed to soothe her, and she even managed to sleep during the night. During the day she became even closer to her father, whose attitude toward her engagement was astonishing, more than she had hoped for. She was certain it was all Darcy’s doing, that he had managed to somehow gain her father’s complete trust and support. Mr. Bennet seemed very impressed with his future son–in-law, and Elizabeth was certain it was not because of his ten thousand a year…
She spent most of the time with Jane, Lady Cassandra and Georgiana, and occasionally with Kitty. Mr. Bingley’s sisters avoided their company as much as possible and seemed to give little consideration to the engagement and the ball. Only Miss Bingley mentioned a few times “a special guest who certainly would be a great surprise to Lady Cassandra,” but Elizabeth paid little attention to her.
About a week before the ball, Colonel Fitzwilliam arrived at Netherfield, and his presence animated everybody around. To their previous friendship Elizabeth could add the joy of knowing they would soon be family, and she was even more pleased to find that Darcy had already informed him about their engagement. Georgiana was delighted to have a temporary replacement for her brother, and Bingley kept saying, “Man, I am so happy to have you here!”
At Longbourn, the Colonel became a quick favorite of Mrs. Bennet – “such a charming, handsome gentleman!” – and an acceptable replacement for Darcy to Mr. Bennet. Kitty and even Mary almost forgot to breathe when the Colonel was around.
The third day after the Colonel’s arrival, Lady Cassandra woke up early in the morning to ride. She was quite angry with herself for her foolish thoughts. The Colonel was everything he had been in the past: kind, charming, pleasant, and attentive to everybody. With her, his manners were impeccable: he was neither indifferent nor insistent. His behavior was friendly and gentlemanlike – and she hated that! There was no sign of the passion he declared previously, no special attention to her, no anything… No, no, she did not hate him for that – she hated herself for wanting something else! She needed to ride, to free her mind – and her heart – of everything.
She entered the stables lost in thought and, inattentive, almost fell into the Colonel’s arms.
“Lady Cassandra! Are you all right?”
“Yes, yes… Please forgive my lack of attention, Colonel.”
“There is nothing to forgive… Are you… Do you intend to ride?’
“Yes…”
“What a happy coincidence! Me, too. Would you…” He paused a moment, looking at her in earnest. “Would you allow me the pleasure of your company?”
No, I want to ride alone, her senses cried to her. Instead she answered, “Yes, I would be delighted.” And in truth, she was delighted.
For more than an hour they rode through the fields and groves, along hidden paths, on a slow pace or a gallop, side by side. They spoke little – mostly about the scenery – and from time to time they cast brief glances at each other. She felt his eyes fixing her profile – and her body warmed at the sensation – but did not dare to meet his gaze too often. As time passed, she grew more easy in his company, and it took her little time until happy memories of their past together became more powerful than any present distress.
They returned in time for breakfast; and, while the stable boys took care of the horses, the Colonel offered his arm to show her in. She accepted it without hesitation.
“Shall we ride again tomorrow, Lady Cassandra?”
She delayed only a moment before answering, “Of course, Colonel; but tomorrow we shall race!”
He bowed to her with perfect politeness. “Be it as you like, your Ladyship!”
Both tried – with little success – to hide their laughter while departing to their rooms.
The following days, the couple met and rode together again. Starting the next morning, they not only rode in silence, but also raced – as she demanded – for some time, then slowed their pace, spending the time in long conversations, recalling the past. To her surprise, the Colonel remembered things she never knew about herself as a small child, her parents, and her disobedient behavior. He seemed as pleased to talk as she was to listen, and neither noticed the time pass; they were both late for breakfast and drew Bingley’s sisters’ reproachful looks. Yet, neither of them noticed.
*** Lady Cassandra returned from a long walk together with the Colonel, Georgiana and Elizabeth. They were all tired, hungry and in a very good disposition. Elizabeth was happy to have the opportunity of speaking openly about Darcy and to learn about his childhood – and indeed what stories she had heard! Lady Cassandra and the Colonel seemed to take the opportunity of Darcy’s absence to make fun of him – his seriousness, his propriety, and his first love, the sixteen-year-old daughter of an Earl; he was five and wanted to marry her. Georgiana hurried to defend her brother against the Colonel’s stories but she could do little as all of them had happened before she was born. So eventually she gave up and joined the other two in their laughter. Elizabeth did not give much credit to the Colonel’s stories, but the mere mentioning of Darcy’s name gave her joy – so she accepted them with serenity.
On reaching the main entrance of Netherfield, they noticed a large carriage and, a few steps further, a small gathering of people. The identity of the newcomer remained uncertain until they were very close and could not avoid him. Caroline Bingley, elaborately dressed and full of loudly expressed enthusiasm, approached them with superior satisfaction while she performed the introductions.
“Lady Cassandra, Colonel Fitzwilliam, Georgiana – I think you are acquainted with Lord Markham! He is our special guest and will remain at Netherfield until after the ball.”
Lord Markham followed Miss Bingley, a most enchanting smile spread over his face, acknowledging their party politely.
Georgiana greeted him properly while Elizabeth remained a little behind, amused by Miss Bingley’s bad manners in ignoring her.
Lady Cassandra turned slightly pale and her eyes narrowed with obvious anger; the Colonel breathed deeply, wondering how long he would be able to maintain his manners.
However, to Miss Bingley’s utter shock and complete disappointment, Lord Markham stepped forward to Elizabeth and bowed to her. “Miss Bennet, what a delightful surprise to see you again!”
*** In their carriage back to Longbourn, accompanied only by Jane, Elizabeth could not but recollect and analyze the reactions of her friends toward the Earl. She had seen that reaction before – during that ball hosted by Lady Cassandra – but had overlooked it quickly as Lord Markham was not in her sphere of interest. Yet, now everything was repeating and apparently with even greatest intensity.
The last hour she spent at Netherfield, the Earl behaved more than properly. He was very amiable, congratulated both Charles and Jane on their engagement, praised Netherfield and the entire county. Elizabeth was certain she would have nothing to reproach him for if not for the hostile attitude of the Colonel and Lady Cassandra. To herself, Lord Matlock seemed especially cordial – to Miss Bingley’s furious displeasure.
Except for Mr. Bingley, the atmosphere at Netherfield was neither easy nor light, so Elizabeth was pleased they were not invited for dinner that evening. She did not need more distress; there were only three more days until Darcy’s return and she wanted to spend her time re-reading his letters and thinking about him. Perhaps tomorrow she would invite Lady Cassandra to Longbourn. She had had enough of Netherfield for a while.
*** Lady Cassandra was so angry that she remained outside to take a stroll around the house in order to calm herself. The nerve of that bastard Markham! What was he doing there? And that stupid Caroline Bingley, almost jumping on him! What was in her head? That was the man she suggested was her suitor? He could not care less for her – that was obvious. Oh, just wait until Darcy returned and saw him… That might result in a scandal, she thought, instantly searching for a way of calming Darcy enough to bear the Earl’s presence until after the ball. What an idiot! she thought, so preoccupied that she nearly bumped into the very idiot who appeared unexpectedly in her way.
“Lady Cassandra, what a pleasant surprise!”
“The pleasure is all yours, sir,” she answered, attempting to move past him.
“Lady Cassandra, please…only a moment.”
“What do you want to tell me in a moment, Markham?”
“I know we…our families are not on friendly terms, but I was hoping we could be civil while we are both guests here.”
“I assure you I will be very civil, Markham; I was civil when you sneaked around at my ball without invitation, was I not? But now I cannot help wondering what you are doing here – and at precisely the same time that I am here as well. Do not offend me by suggesting it is a mere coincidence.”
“But it was a coincidence, I assure you. I would have attended this ball in any case.”
“Is that so? Are you suddenly so fond of Hertfordshire?”
“I am! My family is visiting my aunt – only twenty miles from here – and, since Miss Bingley and I have become friends lately, I was happy to receive the invitation.”
“Really? And why should I believe this? You and Miss Bingley are friends? What kind of friends? Come now, Markham. I know only too well how much you despise those who are beneath your situation; you could not have serious designs toward Miss Bingley. Admit that!”
“Indeed, there is nothing to admit. As I said, my only request is that we be polite to each other. I would not want to hear all manner of rumors about me…”
“Oh, now I see…you are afraid I would betray your true nature…”
“Lady Cassandra, you would not dare…”
“What would Lady Cassandra not dare, Markham?” The Colonel’s voice fell as thunder upon them.
“Colonel Fitzwilliam!”
“Markham, what the hell are you doing here in Hertfordshire? What business do you have here? And what the hell are you doing alone with Lady Cassandra?”
“Colonel, I will not be spoken to in such a manner. I am a guest in this house, as you are, and you…”
“Markham, I could not care less about you, so spare me… However, I will tell you this only once: if you dare to bother Lady Cassandra or Georgiana even with a breath, I will break your face, guest or no guest. And please do not play at propriety with me; I know too well where and in what company you are spending your nights and your money. So be careful to stay away from me.” He was so full of rage that he could scarcely control his voice. Without another word, he offered his arm to Lady Cassandra; she took it instantly, and they departed together. Around the corner she stopped and leaned against the side of the house. Her countenance was pale, and her hands were trembling.
“Cassandra, are you well? Did he do something to you?”
She shook her head almost violently while she put her hand on his arm. “No, do not worry. Please calm yourself. We do not need a scandal here, not now, just before the engagement ball.”
“I shall speak to Bingley about throwing him out.”
“You cannot do that, Colonel; you have no right to do that. After all, as he said, he is a guest as we are and did nothing against us, not the slightest gesture. In fact, we were the ones who offended him just now. Perhaps he is telling the truth. Perhaps he is only an acquaintance of Caroline and his presence here is a mere coincidence.”
“Yes, indeed…and perhaps it will snow tomorrow,” he said with angry mockery.
“Colonel, trust me. I will be fine. I give you my word he has neither done nor said anything improper; it is just that…seeing him…recollections assailed me…and some of them are difficult to bear. But that is my fault, not his. He had no direct involvement either in my past or my present distress.”
He took her hand gently. “Perhaps you should not join us for the dinner; you should rest. You do not look well at all.”
“Oh, I will surely not hide because of Markham, be certain of that. Of course I will be ready for dinner very soon.”
“Very well, but I demand a seat next to you.” He seemed still angry, but she felt he managed to calm her to a degree.
“Oh come now…” She was tempted to laugh at his protective attitude but suddenly changed her tone. “Colonel, you do not have to do that…”
“To do what?” he asked, with a puzzled expression.
“To become involved in any kind of argument with Markham or with anybody to protect me. It is not your duty to… You cannot expose yourself… We are not…” She stopped, not knowing how to continue.
“Cassandra,” he said, using her given name for the second time. “I must tell you something, though you might become angry with me. Yet, I cannot be other than completely honest with you.”
She nodded and he continued soundly. “For me, nothing has changed since that day in London. Neither my affection, nor my wishes, nor my desires are different or less powerful. But I will not insist upon, nor will I force my courtship upon you. However, despite the fact that the nature of my feelings for you has grown so different lately, my care and my concern for you are the same as ever. Anybody who dares harm you – or Georgiana – in any way will have to confront me. This will never change, not even if you decide to marry another man.”
“That will never happen,” she whispered.
“Very well then – it is settled! Do not even try to tell me it is not my duty to protect you, because it is!”
She rolled her eyes, then took his arm again and walked to the house together. “Oh dear…and I thought of how I would calm down Darcy when he sees Markham! Now I see you are an equally big problem!” She sketched a smile, attempting to laugh.
“Ah, yes…Darcy! Now that will be a very interesting meeting – one I would not want to miss!”
They finally entered the hall and separated in front of the main stair. Before she started climbing it, she turned to him and, looking straight in his eyes, smiled at him, this time openly and brightly.
“Thank you, David!”
Than she left in a great hurry while the Colonel remained still, following her with his eyes. She had not called him “David” in almost ten years.
~/~/~/~ Elizabeth became tired – very tired and quite bored – with all the agitation. She and Jane were again at Netherfield having dinner, but for her those visits were not as pleasant as they used to be. In fact, now that dinner was over, she retired to a corner, looking absently around her. The gentlemen chose not to separate from the ladies; Miss Bingley was preoccupied with Lord Markham and Mrs. Hurst kept them company; Lady Cassandra and the Colonel, together with Jane and Mr. Bingley, formed another group, talking animatedly. Georgiana had tired a little earlier as she was bothered by a slight headache – and Elizabeth could understand her only too well!
Elizabeth knew she was very selfish, that she should be happy to be in the company of her sister’s soon-to-be family – but there was nothing to make her feel the warmth of the family there. She felt deeply grateful that Mr. Bingley was such an amiable, worthy gentleman who loved Jane so much and, fortunately, would compensate for the lack in kindness of his sisters. Of course, both Louisa and Caroline were very polite to Jane and ever called her “our dear sister” and did not stop saying how happy they were to have her around – but their cold, superior attitude contradicted their words. Happily, Elizabeth had spoken openly with Jane and was glad to see her sister had come to realize the true nature of both ladies. Furthermore, Jane declared she had become more attached to Georgiana and Lady Cassandra – and felt them more a family than…the other ladies.
Dearest Georgiana, thought Elizabeth. She grew to love Georgiana – truly and deeply – and she found great enjoyment in her company. Georgiana was the main reason Elizabeth kept visiting Netherfield daily. Of course, other reasons were Lady Cassandra and the Colonel, whom she considered trusted friends. But these last days, neither Lady Cassandra nor the Colonel were their usual selves, Elizabeth could easily see that. They were kind and polite and friendly as always, but they were different, not just toward her but generally speaking. And now, with Caroline’s return –with her usual impertinence and continuous concealed offenses – and with Lord Markham’s presence in the house, Elizabeth lost all her interest in Netherfield. Well, not quite all my interest, she corrected her own musings, smiling to herself. She used to sneak into the library and the billiard room, and meander around the gardens – every place where Darcy’s image was palpable. The library was her favorite room – and she spent as much time as she could there in peaceful solitude, only her and her exquisite memories. If she closed her eyes, she could vividly sense his touch, his kisses, even his scent.
Only two more days until I see him again and less then six weeks until we are married.
Suddenly, in that crowded, noisy room, the longing for him became difficult to bear, and she cast a quick glance around, looking for an opportunity to get out of the house for a few minutes. She did not even see Lord Markham approaching; she noticed his presence only when, with the most charming smile, he bowed politely to her.
“Miss Bennet, I hope I am not interrupting your solitary reverie?"