Chapter 8
Walking along the hallway to his room, Darcy felt so full of happiness and gratitude for his good fortune, so lighthearted, that he was certain he could fly. He laughed at that silly thought, instantly imagining how he would look actually flying and what the servants would say. But that moment he cared little about the servants or the entire world; in fact he cared little about anything except Elizabeth.
There could be no misunderstanding and no doubt left now: her feelings had changed since April and she wanted him to see that. She had showed him and told him as much. The first moment she opened her eyes and saw him there in her room on her bed in that scandalous, shocking situation, he had been more alarmed than ever before. He was concerned he may have shocked or offended her so badly that her good opinion would be forever lost and that he may have ruined any chance of happiness in his life. He expected her to scold him, to throw him out of her room and leave his house at the first opportunity. In fact, most women in a similar situation would have demanded an immediate marriage to compensate for their ruined reputation, but Elizabeth would not have done that. And a forced marriage was not what he desired or hoped for in any way.
However, all his fears were put aside when Elizabeth’s eyes, sparkling with surprise but not anger, smiled at him and he felt, undoubtedly, her hand squeezing his so he could not leave. Even now he could feel her soft, warm fingers burning his with the most delicious feeling he had ever experienced.
No, not the most…the most delicious, shockingly, scandalously pleasant feeling he experienced had been when he had held her in his arms on the horse, sensing every part of her body crushed against him in a most fervent amorous embrace. He had known other women— intimately— but he had never held a woman so tightly to him, so tightly to his heart, nor had he ever experienced such blissful happiness from a woman’s closeness. The moment they had arrived at Pemberley and she was taken away from his arms, both his body and his heart felt torn in half, longing for her to complete him again. And his desire had been fulfilled—though only to a small degree—during dinner and afterwards, when they had spent the entire time together in almost total privacy, though the room was full of people.
And then, in her bedchamber, the way she spoke to him…the way she teased him and sent him to sleep…then told him she was anxious for anything he would want to show her or to tell her… No, there could be no doubt, she wanted for him to talk to her and so he would—the very next day. He planned not to directly demand an answer but to declare himself and ask permission to court her properly until she was prepared to accept him. Yes, he knew it was presumptuous of him, but this time he was certain she would accept his love and, eventually, his hand in marriage.
He entered his room, undressing himself while still walking, throwing his robe on a chair and wanting nothing more than to lie in bed and sleep—for as long as he could, which would not be so very long considering the appointment he had for the morning. He startled in the deepest shock when the door of his bedchamber opened and a wet and very ill-looking Colonel Fitzwilliam barged in.
“David, what on earth happened? What are you doing here at this hour? Come in, sit by the fire and let me pour you a glass of brandy; you look very ill.” He instantly filled two glasses—his only half full, the Colonel’s to the top—but as he turned to hand it to his cousin, he met the Colonel’s frowning countenance and heard a coldness in his tone which Darcy had never experienced in all the years they had known each other.
“I was on my way to Pemberley earlier today when I was caught in the storm and forced to seek shelter. One of your tenants hosted me in his home until the rain stopped which was only an hour ago, and I hurried to ride here as fast as I could. Now I realize what a mistake I made—I should have never come without announcing my visit.”
“Nonsense, David, you know this is your home too; you may come and go whenever you want. Let me call Steven to prepare you a bath.”
“No need to bother; I talked to Steven when I entered—and with one of the maids too; she had been kind enough to offer me a cup of tea, which, she mentioned, was prepared for Miss Bennet who is here and not feeling well.” While he spoke, his voice mixed sharpness with mockery and his eyes narrowed and turned even colder as he watched Darcy.
“Yes, Miss Bennet and Georgiana had a little picnic today and were caught in the rain, but fortunately Cassandra and I arrived in time to bring them home safely. However, now they are both unwell and a little feverish but hopefully it is nothing serious,” explained Darcy, puzzled by his cousin’s strange attitude.
“Yes, I heard everything about your heroic rescue. The maid as well as Steven were very impressed and related it to me with great enthusiasm. Yet I cannot help wondering why saving Miss Bennet from the rain gives you the right to place her in a room close to your apartment and visit her in the middle of the night.” By now his voice was steel cold and his gaze full of rage.
Darcy froze for a moment, unable to formulate an answer, considering what he should say. He decided to trust his cousin and confide in him as his best friend; yes, he needed to talk to somebody about his impropriety and about its happy result—the discovery of Miss Bennet’s true feelings for him.
“How dare you, Darcy?” cried the Colonel before he could say a word. “What happened to you? To you, of all people? Have you lost your senses? To keep both Lady Cassandra and Miss Bennet under your roof and act like the worst of scoundrels? Trifling with them both? Only a few steps distance from Georgiana? You must be completely mad, and I will not allow you to go on with this!”
Darcy turned white instantly, staring at his cousin as at a complete stranger who spoke an incomprehensible language. He put his glass down, afraid he would be tempted to throw it; he turned his back on the other man, then walked slowly to the nearest armchair and sat down.
“I shall send a note to the Gardiners first thing in the morning to come and retrieve their niece; she cannot remain here a moment longer. Even if you have no consideration for her, I have. As for Lady Cassandra, you clearly have no true affection for her, but you should have at least a little respect if you indeed intend to marry her.”
Struggling to control his own rage, Darcy finally lifted his eyes to his cousin’s face, red from anger. He breathed deeply and managed to calm himself enough before answering coldly, “I would be tempted to kill anyone else who would have told me such things. But with you I am too grieved, too pained, to even get angry. I would have never guessed this is your opinion of me after you have been like my brother and my best friend for almost thirty years. Thank you for this enlightening disclosure. And now please be so kind as to leave my room—and feel free to do what you think is necessary. As for Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, I have already sent them a note and am expecting them as soon as the weather permits them to travel, so there is no need to trouble yourself.”
The Colonel remained still, eyes and mouth opened in disbelief. “Darcy, now I am certain you are completely mad! This is all the answer I can expect from you? This is everything you have to tell me?”
“Indeed this is all I have to say to you.”
“But Darcy…”
“Cousin, please leave. My anger will soon defeat my control and I do not want a scandal in the house at this hour. We shall talk at some point…some other time, when I am able to face you again…”
The Colonel threw his glass in the fire and exited the door with the same expression of rage on his face. Yet, after only a few minutes, while Darcy had still not recovered from the shock of their conversation, the Colonel returned, poured another glass of brandy and fell into an armchair. Darcy did not even lift his eyes to look at him.
“Darcy, hit me if you want, kill me if you wish to; but, for God’s sake, talk to me! What should I believe? I arrived an hour ago, the servants spoke only about what happened today, I was told you are not yet asleep and came to talk to you—and I saw you exiting Miss Bennet’s room at four in the morning. What else am I to believe?”
“Yes indeed, what else could you have believed except that I took advantage of her poor condition to dishonor Miss Bennet while she was my sister’s guest and lies feverish in a room next to Georgiana. This is something that any gentleman would do and I more than anyone else.” He laughed - a cold, sad laugh while he kept his eyes averted from his cousin.
The Colonel rose from the armchair and started pacing the room nervously, swallowing violently all the brandy, then pouring himself another glass.
“Very well, very well, I admit that maybe I was wrong. I was in too great a hurry to accuse you, but you must understand that I was tired and cold, and I was so shocked when I saw you. You know I have always admired Miss Bennet and consider her a friend; and Lady Cassandra is… Well… I assume you had a strong reason to be in Miss Bennet’s room, but still it was unacceptable. What if somebody else had seen you? The scandal would have ruined Miss Bennet’s reputation forever. Did you consider this?”
Immediately, Darcy’s affection for his cousin and his worries for Miss Bennet’s reputation defeated his anger and the offense he took at the Colonel’s words. No matter how unfair and outrageous those accusations had been, he knew the Colonel was right and, if in his place, anyone would have shared the same opinion. He also knew he would have been tempted to kill any man - who was not family - if he were to be in Georgiana’s room ever, and he would not listen to any explanation that man might have had. He rose and poured more brandy for himself and finally turned toward his accuser.
“Yes, I did consider it; but, unfortunately, I unwisely chose to ignore my misgivings. I checked on both Georgiana and Miss Bennet before retiring to my room because I was worried for them both. And, when I entered Miss Bennet’s room, I was under the impression the maid was still about, so my intention was only to inquire after her. It is equally true, however, that when I discovered Miss Bennet alone, I still entered. I know what scandal my behavior might have aroused, but I cannot regret it, because I was fortunate enough to have everything resolved to my satisfaction.”
“Oh, indeed? Well, I do not want to sound even more offensive, but did you consider Miss Bennet’s satisfaction as well? What if she discovered your little escapade?”
“In fact, she did discover me. She awoke while I was there…”
“Did she? Then how can you say everything is well? I know Miss Bennet to be a most honorable and proper young lady, and I imagine she was outraged to see you.”
“Yes, she is everything you said and so much more… But, no, she was not angry at all, quite the contrary. I have reason to believe she was pleased…so much so that tomorrow I intend to talk with her privately; and, if the result is the one I am hoping for, I shall speak to her uncle and then write to Mr. Bennet as well.”
The Colonel’s shock grew alarmingly until he was forced to fall into his chair once more; another glass of brandy was gulped instantly, and he felt so dizzy he could hardly keep his eyes open. “What private talk, Darcy? What result? You cannot possibly intend to propose to Miss Bennet!”
“Why on earth not? I can and I surely will do precisely that, unless Miss Bennet indicates to me she does not welcome my intentions.”
“But…but what about Lady Cassandra?”
Darcy stared at his cousin as though, again, he did not fully comprehend his point. “Lady Cassandra? You continue talking about Cassandra … What is the matter with Cassandra? Why are you involving her in this conversation?”
“Why? Why? Because you are about to marry her. Everybody knows that!”
“Oh, come now; this is ludicrous. How can you say such a thing? I love Cassandra dearly; next to you, she has been the dearest and closest friend I have ever had, you know that. I am forever indebted to her and would do anything for her… But marry her? Are you out of you senses? That would be as if I were to marry my own sister. Where did you get such an idea?”
“Where? From you and her of course! Since Lady Cassandra has returned you have been together all the time; she visited nobody except you, she always declared how happy she was to be here and never wanted to leave again, and both you and Georgiana have declared how happy you are to have her company… And she kept talking about marrying you… I imagined she was mostly talking in jest but you never did anything to contradict her.”
“Oh come now, David… Cassandra and I have always behaved this way with one another since we were infants.”
“Well, you are not infants anymore, Darcy. And it is not only my opinion; the whole of London is waiting for the announcement…”
“Aaaah, yes…well, ‛the whole of London’ has speculated about the event since the first season we were out, so that is nothing new. Nobody can seriously consider it after all this time and after we contradicted the rumor so often.”
“Well, my mother said it is only a silly rumor and she laughed at it…but as far as I know, she was the only one of that opinion.”
“My aunt is a very wise lady. You should listen to her.”
“So, you will not marry Lady Cassandra?”
“Certainly not!”
The Colonel started pacing the room again in even greater agitation. Darcy’s gaze followed him closely, but his eyes, tired and under the warm influence of the brandy, were demanding rest. “Cousin, now that hopefully we have cleared all misunderstandings, is there something else which cannot wait until morning that you would like to tell me? If not, I should like to sleep at least a few hours.”
“What? Oh…no, no there is nothing urgent, nothing at all. I shall leave now. I am sure my bath is ready.”
“Very well. We shall talk again at breakfast.”
“Breakfast? Yes, yes, but a very late one if you please,” he added as he exited the room. His cousin’s obvious preoccupation still puzzled Darcy, but his fatigue was even stronger, so he allowed himself to enjoy his comfortable bed. So many extraordinary events had occurred during that day, and he could hardly believe them. Closing his eyes, he gave free rein to his thoughts and rejoiced in the happy memories that began when Elizabeth arrived at Pemberley. “Elizabeth,” he whispered to himself, and her very name caressed his heart as a tender touch.
Now that things were calm and clear, he could smile at the absurdity of the incident with the Colonel and even take pity on his cousin for his misapprehension. What pain and disappointment he must have suffered, imagining all those horrible things regarding him and Miss Bennet. “Surely it must have been the effects of his exhaustion, or else he would never presume I am to marry Cassandra..” He laughed and shook his head in exasperation. Since they were very young, their families had discussed this prospect; and later, in the first years of their youth and after their first Season in Town, the speculation was on everybody’s lips; both he and Cassandra had laughed about it endlessly.
Of course, there had been that dreadful moment when their marriage was needed and would have helped Cassandra—and he had been more than willing to do it; yet, even then Cassandra had rejected him, and it was many months before he could understand the reason for her decided refusal. After all, most marriages were arranged, and the spouses were certainly not sharing the affection and friendship he and Cassandra possessed. At that moment, when their parents had already passed away and they were all alone—only he, Cassandra and Georgiana—the perspective of a lifetime spent together was the best thing he could imagine.
However, after he met Elizabeth and his heart succumbed helplessly to her, long before his mind and his reason accepted that love, he understood what a man should feel for the woman with whom he wished to spend his entire life. The fact that most gentlemen did not possess strong feelings for their spouses was no longer of any importance to him. And now, when he finally had reason to hope that Elizabeth was returning his ardent love, he managed to fully comprehend the wisdom of Cassandra’s refusal of an arranged marriage. What a tragedy it would have been for him to meet his true love after he had pledged himself to another! Once more, he discovered a further reason to feel indebted and grateful to Cassandra. Even if she sometimes pushes me past the limit of my patience, as she did last night with Caroline Bingley… What a torture! he thought, now able to smile with amusement.
Cassandra had always enjoyed putting proper manners aside; and their behavior toward each other had always seemed difficult to accept and understand for the people around them, especially for the members of the Ton. Had they been true family, true brother and sister, the liberty with which she always addressed him and teased him while in public would have been hardly acceptable. But there was nothing to be done with her manners, not after her parents as well as his had always allowed her all those little breaks of propriety. Their close acquaintances and friends had gradually become accustomed to their friendship; and Darcy was certain that, despite the Colonel’s assertion, nobody could misread their familiarity as an indication of their romantic involvement.
Of course, to a complete stranger their closeness could be bewildering… But that silly rumor about him marrying Cassandra was ridiculous, considering that he also had been in the close company of Elizabeth and openly shown his preference for her. Even the first time they all met at the theatre and later at the ball, surely it was clear that his behavior toward Elizabeth was different than his friendly familiarity with Cassandra and his intentions toward her surely were clear enough; how could anyone confuse that? It was also true, he admitted on a closer introspection, that Elizabeth’s manner was more proper and more restrained then Cassandra’s, but still…
Suddenly, Elizabeth’s beautiful face filled his thoughts, and he let himself be spoiled by such delightful memories; but a moment later he almost jumped from under his coversheets. “Elizabeth!”
Was it possible? Had he been such a complete and blind fool all this time? Elizabeth was surely one of those who had witnessed his familiarity toward Cassandra without being aware of the nature of their connection. How was it possible for him not to consider that until now?
He closed his eyes, messaging his temples to calm the insupportable sudden headache which had seized him, while images of his previous encounters with Elizabeth in London flew into his mind: that first day in the park, her visit to his home, the night at the theater, his visit to the Gardiners, and then the ball… He remembered how puzzled and troubled he had been by the unsteadiness in Elizabeth’s manners and attitude toward him. Moment by moment, memory by memory, it became more and more clear to him that the changes in her behavior were due not to his presence—as he had presumed then—but due to Cassandra’s presence. “What a horrible situation for poor Elizabeth! What she must have thought of me! Paying attention to her and, at the same time, being so familiar, so intimate with Cassandra! How could I have been such a fool? And that day, when she and Cassandra left together from my house… God knows what Cassandra said to her!”
Impulsively, he rose from his bed and hurried to the door; his first reaction was to go that very moment to Elizabeth’s room to assure her of the truth of his feelings—but the coldness of the air in the room washed the thought away. What madness! he mused. Of course, Elizabeth would consider him a lunatic if he barged into her room once more in the middle of the night to talk to her about Lady Cassandra!
He paced the room and stopped at the window; it was almost light outside. He struggled to remain calm and to use his senses; most likely, due to her admirable intelligence and perceptiveness, Elizabeth had already understood his intentions; so much was obvious. Had she any doubt about the honor behind his attentions, she would surely not have behaved so warmly toward him, nor would she have allowed him in her room, let alone hold his hand. How have I been so fortunate to gain the affection and approval of such an admirable woman, despite my folly and my silly, thoughtless actions? he wondered, smiling to himself with pride and joy.
Now, there was nothing for him to do except to prove himself worthy of her and remove every obstacle from the path of her tranquility and happiness. “Elizabeth,” he whispered again, while allowing sleep to finally conquer him. It was already daylight.
~/~/~/~ Darcy did not sleep more than a couple of hours but he felt rested and very much alive. His servant entered the room quietly, but found his master already awake.
“Good morning, sir.”
“Good morning, Steven. Would you bring me a cup of coffee, please? Or even two?”
“Certainly, sir. I have already taken the liberty of bringing you some coffee.”
“Thank you; you are truly a mind reader,” Darcy answered with a smile and a familiarity which greatly surprised the servant. He had been in Darcy’s service for the last ten years and his master was nothing but considerate and fair. Yet, the master of Pemberley was certainly not the type of gentleman to spend his morning in friendly conversation with his staff. Most of the time, appointments and a busy schedule barely allowed them to exchange a few necessary words while preparing for the day. Steven was certain he had not seen his master possess such a light and easy disposition in the last five years, since he took over full responsibility for the estate.
“Thank you, sir,” he answered while pouring the coffee and preparing the master’s clothes.
“Steven, would you please inquire after my sister and Miss Bennet? Has the doctor arrived yet?”
“I already did that, sir. Mrs. Reynolds informed me that both Miss Darcy and Miss Bennet slept very well and are not yet awake. Apparently, the fever is gone and she said she doubted the doctor would be needed, but she sent the carriage for him anyway.”
“Excellent! Excellent,” Darcy declared, his mood turning better and better.
“The Colonel is still asleep, sir,” continued Steven.
“Ah, yes, I imagined as much. Please take care that he is not disturbed; he needs as much sleep as possible. These last months with his regiment have been very trying for him, I am afraid.” The servant did not answer; discussing the Colonel’s condition was again an extraordinarily uncommon event for his master, so he wisely chose not to comment.
An hour later, Darcy was ready to join his guests for breakfast when he was informed that the doctor had arrived and was examining both Miss Bennet and Miss Darcy. Though he knew there was no reason for worry, Darcy still had to fight against his uneasiness, and only when the doctor was finally ready to meet him and gave him a satisfactory report about both his patients could he breathe in relief.
As soon as the doctor departed, Darcy decided to talk to his sister and accompany her downstairs. Secretly, he hoped Georgiana would insist on inviting Elizabeth to join them, and he smiled to himself in joyful anticipation, imagining going downstairs with both Elizabeth and his sister on his arms.
His surprise was great when, entering Georgiana’s room, he found Elizabeth there as well, both of them chatting amiably. At his appearance they stopped and he could see that Elizabeth was nervous; yet the mirth in her eyes and her very becoming blushes showed she was pleased to see him.
“Good morning, ladies. What a wonderful pleasure to see you both so well.”
“Good morning, brother; please do come in. Elizabeth and I were just discussing the weather. I truly hope the rain will be gone for some time.”
“Miss Bennet—”
“Mr. Darcy—”
“I hope you rested well?”
A trace of a blush over her beautiful face was the only indication of her slight embarrassment. “Yes, I did, sir. I did not sleep much, but I feel very well and rested. I hope you are well.”
“I am. Thank you, Miss Bennet.” The apparently neutral conversation was in truth intimate and meant only for the two of them; Georgiana did not fail to notice there was something more behind their polite inquiries; but, as long as they both seemed pleased, she was pleased, too.
“Do you have any plans for today, brother?”
“Unfortunately I do, at least for the morning. Immediately after breakfast I intend to check about the way the storm may have affected the land and my tenants.”
“Can you not send someone else?”
“No, I cannot, though I confess I would rather spend the day at home.” He could not help looking at Elizabeth, but she shyly kept her eyes averted; however, her cheeks and throat down to her neckline colored visibly. “Yesterday I only managed to check on Mr. Eaglewood and had to return as soon as possible because of the rain.” The mere words and the memory of the way he returned to the house warmed him. Elizabeth was still not meeting his eyes.
“Oh, I forgot to ask you, how was Mr. Eaglewood?” asked Georgiana.
“Worse than we hoped for and better then we feared,” he answered, then turned to Elizabeth to explain to her. “Mr. Eaglewood was the oldest tenant of Lord Russell, Lady Cassandra’s father, and he resided exactly at the border between Pemberley and Lady Cassandra’s father’s estate; both my father and Lord Russell shared a very high opinion of Mr. Eaglewood. Lady Cassandra and I have known him for almost all of our lives and have grown very fond of him. Lord Russell even recommended and supported Mr. Eaglewood’s son at school. The young Mr. Eaglewood is now a very well-known and respected army doctor.”
“Oh, yes,” intervened Miss Darcy with much enthusiasm. “Cassandra and I met them while we were in London and we agreed that Mr. Eaglewood’s wife is a lovely and charming lady; and they have three beautiful children. I did not tire of playing with them.”
Mr. Darcy smiled and continued. “Unfortunately, the old Mr. Eaglewood remained alone since his wife passed away two years ago and had been very ill lately. However, he is very stubborn and he refused to live with his son. Instead, he pretended he was strong enough to keep his own home. That is why Lady Cassandra accompanied me yesterday—she intended to do everything in her power to convince him either to move in with his son or accept my offer of moving into a smaller house closer to Pemberley, so we can help him if needed. And she succeeded, as always. He will move in a few days, and she has hired two maids and two male servants to stay with him.”
“That is wonderful of Lady Cassandra; and of you too, sir—to have such concern for the gentleman.”
“Well…yes, perhaps…but I confess we had a selfish reason too: Cassandra said Mr. Eaglewood is one of the last of the remaining living proofs of our past and our childhoods…and she is right, of course.” He could not hold back his emotion and was delighted to see that Elizabeth did not remain indifferent either. “Mr. Eaglewood also seems to be a bond between your lands,” she whispered, forcing a smile.
“Yes, he is.” Darcy smiled back.
“I was not aware that Lady Cassandra’s estate is so close to Pemberley,” Elizabeth added.
“Yes, it is. I am sorry that I did not mention that earlier,” he said, his tone of voice and his eyes never leaving Elizabeth’s. “In fact, I must apologize that I neglected to be more specific about many things regarding Lady Cassandra.” The barely noticeable blink of her eyes and the sudden pallor of her face, together with a slight change of her expression, were enough proof for Darcy that he had been right in his suspicions: she was still affected by his relationship with Cassandra.
Before she could reply, he added, “Lady Cassandra’s estate is situated in our immediate vicinity. Our fathers had grown up as friends since their childhoods, and so have Georgiana and I with Cassandra.” He paused a moment to allow her time to completely understand his meaning. “I know that for many people it might appear strange, but Cassandra is like a sister to us; I truly make no difference in my behavior toward her or Georgiana.”
Despise her struggle to remain calm, Elizabeth released a deep sigh of relief; Darcy smiled at her.
“I love Cassandra so much—I have always been happy when she was near me,” added Georgiana. “Though she is much older, she has always been my dearest friend. I confess that I cried for days when she left without telling me the reason for her departure, and I cannot tell you how happy I was when she returned.”
“Lady Cassandra seems a wonderful lady,” offered Elizabeth, lighthearted and with complete honesty.
“Yes, she is wonderful, Elizabeth, and I am very happy you like her because I really hope she will stay with us even after you…” Georgiana’s enthusiasm paled instantly, and she turned white as she heard her own words and understood their audacity.
Though she was not certain exactly what Georgiana meant, Elizabeth guessed—and she blushed in mortification. Darcy, obviously a little disconcerted himself, smiled at both of them and tried to put things in order before they all grew even more embarrassed.
“We hope indeed that Cassandra will remain with us for as long as possible, as a part of our family, no matter what changes might occur in the future. That is, of course, if she does not find a worthy gentleman to win her heart and make her a wonderful husband.”
He then changed the subject, inquiring if their plans for today were fixed and if they were including the other ladies in the house; Elizabeth fought to regain her spirit, though her mind kept wondering if Mr. Darcy truly meant to somehow ask her consent regarding Lady Cassandra’s presence in their family, after… Or perhaps he meant nothing of the kind, and she simply read too much into his words.
As it was already very late, Mr. Darcy offered to accompany both ladies downstairs for breakfast. “Miss Bennet, I received a note from Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner; they are very well and informed me they will join us later, around noon; hopefully they will remain for dinner,” Darcy said while they walked along the hallway.
“Thank you for telling me, sir. My aunt sent me a note too, as well as some clothes.” She blushed remembering the previous day and the poor state of her soaked clothes—as soaked as his; she thought she could feel a slight tightening of his arm as she was holding it and she dared to presume he was thinking of the same thing.
“I have other news to share,” he said a few moments later. “Colonel Fitzwilliam arrived during the night. It is likely that we will see him very soon.” The Colonel’s presence was a most pleasant prospect for both Elizabeth and Georgiana, and they enthusiastically expressed their enjoyment. Darcy could not help wondering, with great amusement, how it was possible that the mere pronouncement of the Colonel’s name was enough to dispel all the tension and improve their spirits.
However, when they entered the room, everybody was gathered except the Colonel; they started eating without him, as Darcy suspected his cousin was in greater need of sleep than food for the present.
Breakfast was a very pleasant affair for many in the party. Elizabeth felt more light-hearted than she had ever been since Hunsford as all her doubts—about her feelings, about his feelings and about the intriguing Lady Cassandra—vanished. She did not fail to understand—with much gratitude—that somehow Mr. Darcy had finally understood her uncertainties regarding him and Lady Cassandra, and he took the first opportunity to clear up any misapprehension. In the meantime, she felt nervous at the thought that Mr. Darcy might solicit a private talk with her as soon as he returned from his riding inspection of the estate.
Mr. Darcy specifically insisted upon the fact that he was anxious to leave as soon as possible so he could return quickly. Though Elizabeth was not looking at him while he spoke, she could feel his gaze upon her and she knew his words were mostly meant for her. She blushed with happiness and no little distress. Would he truly propose again that very day? And if he did, how would he ask her? How should she answer so he could be certain of her feelings and forget her angry and deeply offending replies from that day at the parsonage?
The Colonel eventually appeared when breakfast was almost finished—with dark circles under his eyes and an obvious need for more coffee; his entrance was met with enthusiastic greetings but, to everyone’s surprise, the Colonel seemed more restrained than ever before. He chose to sit near Elizabeth and across from Lady Cassandra and ate in relative silence. Lady Cassandra asked him a few direct questions despite his obvious lack of volubility, but did not succeed in obtaining more than a few short, though very polite, answers.
The party separated again after breakfast. Both Mr. Bingley and the Colonel decided to accompany the master of the house on his excursion. Miss Darcy invited all the ladies to join her in the music room; however, Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst declined, insisting they would rather retire to their apartments, while Lady Cassandra insisted she wanted to go for a short ride.
So it remained for only Elizabeth and Georgiana to move to the music room, both equally pleased to be left to themselves as they still had much to talk about and much to share with each other. They sat at the pianoforte but neither of them actually played; instead they started talking. They did not even notice when Mr. Darcy opened the door and moved toward them, closely followed by Colonel Fitzwilliam.
“William, cousin, I thought you already left,” cried Miss Darcy
“We will, in a few minutes, but we wanted to say good-bye first,” declared Mr. Darcy, looking more at Elizabeth than to his sister. Miss Darcy exchanged a few meaningful glances with the Colonel, who was very busy studying both Darcy and Miss Bennet with great attention.
“Good-bye, Mr. Darcy, Colonel… Please ride safely, and I hope we will meet again soon.”
“Thank you, Miss Bennet, we will,” Darcy answered. But before he departed he took a few steps forward until he was very close to Elizabeth and only then he added. “Miss Bennet, if I am not asking too much, I was wondering if you could allow me a few minutes later today. There is something of great urgency I would like to talk to you about.”
His tone was so serious that Miss Darcy startled and looked with deep worry at both her brother and Elizabeth. However, their gazes locked, ignoring the others in the room, and the expression on her brother’s face—as well as on Elizabeth’s, who agreed with obvious embarrassment—was a clear indication that, no matter how urgent the matter was, it was certainly nothing to worry about.
After a polite bow to the ladies, the gentlemen finally left. Struggling to regain her composure and start breathing normally again, Elizabeth could swear she heard the Colonel's joyful voice demanding Darcy to tell him something. Soon enough, however, their voices dissipated and she had to face Georgiana’s laughing eyes and exceedingly pleased expression. There were no questions between them, for it was not necessary at all. Wisely, they put the matter aside and enjoyed their time together playing and talking about everything else which crossed their minds.
~/~/~/~ To Elizabeth’s surprise, not an hour later a servant announced to Miss Darcy that the Gardiners arrived. Georgiana received the news with obvious pleasure while Elizabeth almost jumped from her chair to meet her relatives; though not more than a single day passed since she had seen them last, she missed them already.
The greeting was warm and friendly and Miss Darcy seemed to have lost all her timidity and shyness regarding the Gardiners. She apologized that her brother and the other gentlemen were not present to give a proper welcome to Mr. Gardiner, but was certain all would return soon.
“Oh, it is we who should apologize, Miss Darcy,” Mrs. Gardiner intervened. We had informed Mr. Darcy we would arrive much later—after noon—but the sky was clouded again and we were afraid another storm would start, so we hurriedly changed our plans to arrive sooner. I have to confess I was worried about my niece, and I could not let another day pass without seeing her at least for a short while.” Miss Darcy tried to reply, but Mrs. Gardiner continued, suddenly realizing that her words could be interpreted the wrong way. “Miss Darcy, please forgive me, I did not mean to suggest I distrust Mr. Darcy; he wrote us that Elizabeth was well and not for a moment did I doubt his words, but I was still worried.”
“No need to explain to me, Mrs. Gardiner, I understand your meaning perfectly. And to tell you the truth, I am very pleased that you have come earlier; as you very well know, I always enjoy your company very much.”
“Thank you,” Mrs. Gardiner answered in relief, while asking more details about the previous day.
While the guests were offered drinks and refreshments, Miss Darcy asked Mr. Gardiner if he would rather visit her brother's library, as it was obvious their chat was of little interest for him; the gentleman accepted with no hesitation. In fact, he declared he would very much like the company of a book until Mr. Darcy returned. A servant was fetched to show him the way and just before he left the room Mr. Gardiner turned to his niece. “Elizabeth dear, I almost forgot: these letters arrived early this morning for you.”
“Two letters? Thank you, uncle. I wonder who they might be from,” she asked then smiled. “They are both from dearest Jane, none from papa; well, I expected as much. Ohhh, on the first of them the direction was written remarkably ill. How strange, Jane is always so careful and so dutiful with her letters and with everything else,” she added with as much affection as pride in her sister’s virtues.
Miss Darcy smiled understandingly. “Elizabeth, would you rather go in the salon and read your letters privately? I am sure you are anxious to receive news from home after such a long time.”
“Oh, thank you! I would love that very much, if you do not mind.”
“Of course not; do not worry. Mrs. Gardiner and I will entertain ourselves for awhile.”
“Indeed we shall,” agreed Mrs. Gardiner.
*** Elizabeth kept reading while a breathtaking pain was cutting her heart and her mind refused to believe the words written in great disorder on the sheet of paper.
After a beginning containing an account of all their little parties and engagements, the latter half, which was dated a day later, had been written in evident agitation, and gave more important and shocking intelligence, hard to believe and even harder to accept. Lydia had eloped with Mr. Wickham? When she first read that, she was certain it was a mistake—and she returned to read it again, holding the paper with trembling hands. Then, without allowing herself time for much consideration, she instantly seized the other letter and opened it with the utmost impatience—it had been written a day later than the conclusion of the first and Elizabeth’s shock was now complete, as complete as the ruin of them all.
Lydia had eloped with Mr. Wickham! No, he will never marry her as Jane was suggesting; Elizabeth knew that only too well. Lydia had no money, no connections, nothing! And she had never noticed in the past any partiality of that man toward Lydia so she could not even deceive herself that his violent love was the reason for such outrageous behavior. They will not go to Scotland, as Jane said; they will remain in London, where nobody will be able to find them, until he will abandon her in misery and disgrace. How much could Mr. Gardiner—or anybody—help them? Jane had asked for their immediate return! Yes—they must return with no delay!
"Oh! Where, where is my uncle?" cried Elizabeth, darting from her seat, the letter still in her hands; she stopped, desperately trying to remember in what chamber she was and where her uncle was. But as she reached the door, she almost bumped into Lady Cassandra in the door frame.
Her pale face and impetuous manner made her ladyship stop and stare at her in wonder; Elizabeth, in whose mind every idea was superseded by Lydia's situation, hastily exclaimed, "I beg your pardon, your ladyship, but I must leave you. I must find Mr. Gardiner this moment on business that cannot be delayed; I have not an instant to lose."
"Good God! What is the matter, Miss Bennet?" Lady Cassandra cried. “What happened? Are you hurt? And where is Mr. Gardiner? Is he here at Pemberley?”
“Yes, he is in the library, I must find him…” she could not hold her tears while she tried to pass near Lady Cassandra, pushing her away unceremoniously.
“Miss Bennet, I shall go and fetch Mr. Gardiner and Mrs. Gardiner. I shall call for a servant too; you need help!
“No, no, please!” Elizabeth’s voice was not only tearful but frightened too. “Please do not call any servant and my aunt either; she is with Georgiana and I do not want Georgiana to know… I only want to talk to my uncle…”
“Very well then,” Lady Cassandra agreed, but she grabbed Elizabeth’s arm and pushed her on an armchair. “I shall call Mr. Gardiner in a moment, but please stay here.”
Elizabeth felt too weak to fight more; she remained sitting, her hands trembling in her lap while she gave up fighting her tears. A moment later Mr. Gardiner arrived, his countenance transfigured by worry. “Elizabeth my dear, what on earth happened?”
She spoke with great difficulty, as the lump in her throat and the pain which was gripping her chest left her breathless. “Lydia…she had left all her friends in Brighton and she left… She has thrown herself into the arms of Mr. Wickham… “The words died on her lips and she handed the letter to her uncle, who read it fervently. When he finished he was as pale as she.
“We must leave at once; we have not a moment to delay.”
“Mr. Gardiner, if you will allow me…“ Lady Cassandra’s voice startled them both as until that moment they forgot her presence in the room. “I would suggest remaining a little longer until Darcy returns. In this delicate matter you will need all the help you can find and nobody knows Wickham better than Darcy.”
The gentleman hesitated a moment, then he seemed to agree. “Your ladyship is correct; we will certainly need the help of somebody who is acquainted with Wickham’s habits and the places he used to reside in London. But time is a very important matter, too. Do you happen to know if Mr. Darcy will delay long? I am afraid the storm will start again and we will be kept here.”
“No, please, we cannot wait,” cried Elizabeth, trembling even harder. We must leave immediately; and we cannot allow Mr. Darcy’s interference in this; it is a very private and delicate matter for the family only. We cannot expose it to anybody else!” Her state and her extraordinary agitation distressed Mr. Gardiner even more than the news. In one and twenty years he had never seen his niece in such a disastrous state. He seemed inclined to listen to Lady Cassandra’s reasonable advice, yet Elizabeth’s insistence could not be neglected either, as he could understand her desire to not expose publicly that shameful event. For the first time in a long while, he could not choose the best course of action.
“Mr. Gardiner, please be so kind as to allow me a moment with Miss Bennet—in the meantime you may want to inform Mrs. Gardiner…”
“Uncle, please…my aunt is with Georgiana and I do not want her to be told anything; nobody must be told anything,” she insisted, determination mixed with a pleading cry.
Mr. Gardiner nodded in agreement, his state of mind not much better than his niece’s. Suddenly he felt the urge to speak with his wife and seek her support.
As soon as he left the room, Lady Cassandra turned to Elizabeth. “Miss Bennet, I know this is not the best time for such a talk, but I think there is something you should know before you leave, something which might change your mind and alter your decision.”
Elizabeth did not answer, nor did she look at her ladyship; she doubted anything else might interest her in such a moment.
“Miss Bennet, I am aware that sometimes I had been ambiguous in my behavior toward Darcy and my words have perhaps misled you more than once. I apologize; more so as I did it on purpose. Now I want you to know, in case you still have any doubts, that Darcy and I are very close friends—in fact we are lifetime friends—but there is no other understanding between us. I dare say we both know where his true intentions lie. This is why I should insist that you delay your departure until his return. He might be of the greatest help for you, and I am certain he would be more than happy to assist you and your family in anything you need.”
Tears were flowing freely down Elizabeth’s cheeks and she shook her head in denial, her hands trembling so hard that she had to clasp them together. “Lady Cassandra, thank you for telling me… I already suspected as much some time ago…and Mr. Darcy himself told me…but there is nothing to do now… I have to leave before Mr. Darcy returns… He said…he asked to talk to me privately today… That cannot happen now… I must leave immediately.”
“Indeed? A private talk? Well, I confess I am surprised to see that things are already so close to an understanding between you and Darcy; but now I am having an even harder time understanding your stubbornness. I assure you Darcy is not the kind of man to allow any incident—not even one as grave as this one—to affect his decision. If he asked for a private conference later, be sure he will not break his word.”
Elizabeth’s sobs meant she could not talk for a few long minutes, and Lady Cassandra only looked at her with puzzlement and equal worry.
“Lady Cassandra, how can you not see that this is precisely the reason I have to leave as soon as possible? I know Mr. Darcy will do what is right, though he did not make any real promise to me. But I know he will… And I cannot bear to see the look on his face when he hears that dreadful news. I cannot bear to see him being forced to keep his word—a word he did not even give to me - with the price of ruining his and his sister’s name and tranquility… I cannot allow that to happen. If I leave now, there is still time to prevent everything before it is started between us. And by the time the scandal becomes public, Mr. Darcy will surely understand my reason. It is much easier to lose something you never truly had.”
“Miss Bennet…” Lady Cassandra’s voice sounded calmer, even a little patronizing and in jest, as Elizabeth’s words amused her somewhat. “Forgive my boldness, but I must say your entire reasoning is incorrect. I have known Darcy all my life, and I doubt very much that he will simply accept the news of your sudden departure calmly. Please do not presume how Darcy will react. I am sorry to remind you that you certainly do not know him well enough to be correct in such an instance. Of course your sister’s elopement will raise a scandal, especially if they will not marry soon, but this is not the first or the last situation of this kind. It has happened to more illustrious families, and every time people gossiped for awhile and soon enough put everything behind them.”
“Can you not understand, your ladyship? It is not only about elopement; it is so much more than that! If my sister would have eloped with another man, I would be tempted to agree with you. Even more, perhaps I would have been selfish enough to put my desires and my happiness above anything else. In such a situation, I would have been pleased to have Mr. Darcy keep his word and I may have even asked for his help… But considering it is about Mr. Wickham, how could I put Mr. Darcy and Georgiana in such a horrible situation? Only yesterday they could not stand to even hear Mr. Wickham’s name—how can I torture them by forcing them to be part of this disgraceful disaster? I cannot do that to them, not after all they had to go through in the last months. They will not suffer again because of me; I will not allow that, no matter the price I have to pay.”
Suddenly, her countenance froze and her eyes fixed on her ladyship. “Lady Cassandra, you must help me with that. You must promise you will not tell anybody about the reason for our departure.”
“Miss Bennet…you are not being reasonable in this… You surely know that such a thing cannot be kept secret; besides, Mr. Bingley is settled to return to Netherfield in a short while; surely you cannot forbid him to do that…”
“No…no…Mr. Bingley…the situation is different in his case; this scandal would not affect him so much; he will not be harmed as much as Mr. Darcy and Georgiana…and when he will return—well, we shall see… But you must promise not to tell anyone for now.”
Her eyes had lost all their brightness, and the lady could feel the burden of her grief; it was not the time for an argument, so she decided to do anything to calm her. “Very well, Miss Bennet. I promise I shall keep the secret as long as possible.”
Elizabeth sighed deeply in obvious relief while she whispered, “Thank you, your ladyship,” and Lady Cassandra could not resist a warm wave of tenderness which melted her heart. She remained silent for a long time, while her eyes searched Elizabeth's with the greatest care. She then put her arm around her shoulder and gently pulled her closer until Elizabeth started crying on her shoulder, while she kept whispering, “thank you”.It was how the Gardiners and Georgiana found them a few moments later.
“Elizabeth, what happened? Mr. Gardiner said nobody had died—thank God—and nobody has fallen ill but that some events require your immediate return home.”
“Yes…yes, my uncle is right. We must leave immediately.”
“Oh, I am so sorry! Mr. Gardiner told me it was a very urgent family matter. Is there something I can do to help you? Can you not stay a little longer until William returns?”
“No, we cannot delay; please understand me, Georgiana. It is very likely that the rain will start any moment, and we need to leave as soon as we can and travel as fast as we can.”
The sadness and disappointment brought tears to Miss Darcy’s eyes, and she did not fight to hold them back.
“Very well then, if you need to go, so be it. But please, write me to inform us as soon as you can. I shall not find rest until I have news from you, nor William either.”
“I…I shall try…if the situation will allow me…but…” Her tears stopped her from speaking further.
“Oh, Elizabeth, something very bad has happened; you are suffering so much, yet you do not allow me to help you and do not want to wait a little longer until my brother returns… Did we do something to offend you? Me? …or William? Are you upset with us and this is why you want to leave so quickly?”
“Oh no, no, dearest, please do not say that…” She took the girl’s hands and held them tightly while looking deeply into her eyes. “My dearest friend, please believe me that these last days here at Pemberley have been the happiest in my life. I will treasure their memories for all my life and my affection for you will ever remain unchanged, please remember that.”
“Elizabeth, we must leave now,” interrupted Mr. Gardiner, and she obeyed. When she rose to move to the door, Georgiana was still holding her hands closely. She embraced her quickly and then ran and did not stop until in the carriage. She could not bear it any longer; her heart was broken and she knew parts of it would remain there, at Pemberley; her heart would never be the same.
The Gardiners joined her very shortly and they were about to leave when Lady Cassandra detained them. “Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, Miss. Bennet, I want to force you all to promise me something.”
“What could it be that forces a promise, Lady Cassandra?” asked Mr. Gardiner, the bitterness covering the attempt of mockery in his voice.
“This searching will be a daunting task and you may need support in matters you cannot even imagine now. I want you to promise me you will not hesitate to ask my help in anything. Even if you, sir, imagine I cannot be involved in some delicate matters, do ask in any case; I might surprise you. You know my location in London; send word there and my servants will direct it to me as soon as possible.”
“Thank you, your ladyship, your kindness is…” Mrs. Gardiner tried to express her gratitude but Lady Cassandra interrupted her almost rudely.
“Oh please, enough with this nonsense! This is no time for politeness. I hope you will find Mr. Wickham in time…” She paused and looked at them all before adding, “I shall not take a very serious good-bye because I dare say we shall meet again soon. Have a safe journey.”
The carriage left a moment later and, almost instantly, the rain started again; Pemberley remained behind with Elizabeth’s weeping heart.
~/~/~/~ It was raining again and Colonel Fitzwilliam and Bingley spent all their time back to Pemberley complaining about the weather and even cursing from time to time. By the time they reached the house, they were soaked and hungry and wanted nothing but the comfort of their rooms.
For Darcy, the rain meant only beautiful memories, nothing could ruin his spirit. He hardly noticed he was wet and cold; and if he was indeed, the mere thought of seeing Elizabeth again and talking to her—confessing himself to her—was enough to warm him.
Darcy was tempted to go in search of her the moment he entered the house but at the last moment he came to his senses as he realized the poor state of his clothes. He hurried to his room and was grateful when Steven efficiently informed him that the bath was already prepared. In less than half an hour, with the servant’s silent help, he was properly attired and prepared to meet Elizabeth—to meet his happiness.
“Stevens, do you happen to know if Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner have arrived? I really hope the bad weather will not keep them at the Inn the entire day.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner?” The servant stared at him then averted his eyes, in obvious search for the proper words. “They were here but they left, sir, together with Miss Bennet.”
“They left?” Darcy’s shock changed his countenance instantly. “They returned to the Inn? In this weather? But why?”
“I…I do not know, sir. I believe Miss Darcy might know better,” the servant answered and Darcy ran out the door, almost pushing him down.
He barely knocked and did not wait for an answer before entering Georgiana’s room. At first he did not even see her until he heard her barely audible sobs coming from an armchair near the window.
He moved closer and kneeled near her; it took a great effort to make her take her hands from her red, swollen eyes. When he took her hands gently, she could hardly whisper and he could hardly understand the meaning of her cruel words. “William, she is gone… Elizabeth is gone.”
*** Seven hours had passed and his mind still refused to understand while his heart refused to accept. He was in the middle of the music room and Georgiana was performing with great difficulty; he knew she was expending this great effort only in a desperate attempt to comfort him. Comfort? He needed no comfort as he needed no company, no food, no rest; he needed Elizabeth, more than he had needed anything else in his adult life. But Elizabeth was gone. Gone? How was that possible?
Since the moment he had heard the news, he had asked everybody what happened: Lady Cassandra who apparently had witnessed everything, Georgiana who could not be coherent enough as she herself was confused and pained, Mrs. Reynolds, Steven, the other servants… Despite the bad weather, he sent Steven to the Inn to ask for more details; but the only clarification which came was the fact that they had left within half an hour after they returned to the Inn.
Cassandra had been the only one who could offer him the reason—a reason which seemed not enough for him and gave little palliation to his torment. Something happened back there in Hertfordshire but apparently nothing tragic. Yet, Elizabeth hurried to leave because she was afraid the rain could delay them. Delay from what? What was so important that she cared not about him, not as much as to leave him a word through his sister? Even more and impossible to bear was the fact that she had told Georgiana she would remember her and would love her for all her life. Was that a last farewell? Had she taken this opportunity to run? To run away from him and from their private talk? Was the mere idea of a second proposal so dreadful for her? Had he completely misunderstood her signs, her behavior, her desires again, as had happened in April?
He vaguely heard Caroline Bingley’s voice asking something and her reference to Miss Bennet. “What?” he cried in anger, before he could control himself.
He attempted an apology before swiftly leaving the room, out of Pemberley, out through the rainy night, walking with no direction and no stars in the sky to light his footsteps. But he needed neither stars nor light. He only needed to know what happened to Elizabeth and to his long desired happiness. His steps took him farther and farther away until he could barely see the contour of Pemberley; only then did he stop, alone in the night, only he and his thoughts—and her memory.
Later, many hours later, when he returned to the house soaked through and tired from walking through the rain, his boots and long coat caked with mud, he felt like dancing with joy and hope: he had discovered the answers!
No, this time he had not misunderstood her; this time he would not allow his despair to cloud his mind or harden his heart. Her every word, every gesture, every look, every blush, every moment they had spent together since that day in Hyde Park were proof to testify of her changed feelings and desires—and especially last night. She could not have run from him! He must follow her!
He entered his room and, while he summoned Steven and started throwing his soaked clothes carelessly on the floor, he hurriedly poured a glass of brandy to warm himself. But he startled and dropped the glass when he heard Lady Cassandra’s irritated voice from near the fire.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Darcy, are you trying to kill me with worry? This situation cannot continue any longer—we must talk!”